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This journal was horneted in 1996. XD
Just want to clarify something...
I was thinking about it just now, and I believe it would be a good idea to state this somewhere. Believe it or not, it's about Saara..

I want to make it perfectly clear that just because I'm considering myself single again, that doesn't mean I gave up on her. I held on with her for an exceptional amount of time. Saara informed me that she was on her way to Connecticut. She had been updating me on her progress, and I had been regarding it as the truth. She was very detailed and pretty specific in everything she said, so I went with the basis that she was likely being honest with me... Whether or not she really was, I'll probably never know... I want to think that she was honest, because she was without a doubt one of the nicest girls I have ever talked to... Ever. She was like an angel...

The problem, or the complicated factor here, was the lack of proof she provided me with to support that what she was telling me was indeed true. She told me all this stuff about her background, and how she got to where she was now. That's all good. But do I really have any evidence that she in fact lived her life this way and didn't make up some random story? Well... unfortunately, I don't.

I remember the last time I actually talked to her, she was actually in Connecticut according to her. She wanted to try and show up for Christmas. She also seemed very distressed about something, but she didn't really tell me what it was... She told me she felt bad for not contacting me much. And she told me she was going to try to get to a phone, and that I should expect a phone call from her "within an hour" after our conversation on gaia ended.

Unfortunately, I never got that phone call. And that was the last time I ever talked to Saara.

The next rather unusual thing is that, my good friend Iccolo, who I know in real life, actually sent Saara's friend a message telling her that I was looking for Saara. Well, this was months before, and in early January 2012 (shortly after my last conversation with Saara, actually), her friend replied to Iccolo, stating that Saara had actually DIED.... Yeah........ Saara died....... o_o

I wasn't sure how to react from that initially, but I will say that my self-inflicted wounds have probably been the effect of this news about Saara...

But then, just when things seemed to be as weird as possible..... something ELSE happened.... Saara came back online on June 23rd. How do I know this? Well, in the friends list there's a column that shows my friends' last login dates. For the LONGEST time, Saara's was like December 28th, or something around there. Then, one day during the summer (after I had considered our bond ceased), I noticed she had logged onto Gaia recently.

My question is, why would she get on gaia if she's DEAD?
Who else would have her gaia information besides her?
I suppose a hacker could've gone in her account, but nothing on her account seems to be changed. She still has all her items equipped and everything, even the black skin dye that I gave her, which is fairly expensive.... So who signed onto her account that day?? I have no freaking clue......

To conclude this entry, I'm saddened by what happened between me and Saara... Honestly, I really wish she was still around. The thing though is, she needs to give me some kind of proof that she's really who she said she was. Otherwise, it's going to be hard for me to be convinced that she's even real...

That being said, if there ever comes a day when she suddenly comes back and apologizes, and actually gives me the proof I need to know that she exists the way she said she did, then I would be more than grateful to take her back. To be honest with you, I'd still be excited about the possibility of meeting her, if we ever made any concrete plans. I still really want to see Saara... I always find things in the world around me that remind me of her, and then I get sad, because I miss her deep down... I really wish there was a day where things would take a complete 180 from what they are right now... I really hope some day I meet up with her again, and maybe perhaps get to see her picture, or even meet her...

Call me crazy, but somewhere deep within my lack of confidence and depression, I somehow still have a speck of hope for the return of Saara...

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