I keep getting asked if I am excited about my new job opportunity and this move...
To be honest...I'm quite afraid.
Over the past few years, it seems as though my "gut" might have steered me wrong, but I think the trick is trying to differentiate what your "gut" tells your from what your mind (analytical processes) or your heart tells you.
The fear and stress are genuinely drowning out my excitement for this move. If I wasn't afraid...if I didn't have so much to lament on... if my heart wasn't as heavy then I'd be excited about moving back to Philadelphia, reconnecting with great people, and starting a new job with new opportunities. Not to mention...I still need a place to live lol As of this moment it'll be between two places that I have yet to see.
One place is in South Philly a few blocks South from where Alex lives. The house looks very nice, it's new, and I'd be sharing it with three people...which isn't really too bad. I always go back and forth with whether or not I want to live with people but if there's enough space and bathrooms then I'm here for it....especially if the people are cool and down to earth like myself. Anyway, the pictures look very nice, it's in the area I want to live in, not too far away from Public Transportation and all that good stuff. I think my major issue is that it's $700+utilities and to be honest, 700 is the most I want to pay a month for a roof over my head. I'll look at the space anyway, see what I can work out and decide from there.
The other place is in South Philly as well, very close to Broad Street and right off of Tasker on the East Side. Proximity to South Street is great. Proximity to the train is great. The house looks cute, like a regular row home and the pictures don't look too bad either. The price is better...$625 and the guy's name is Drew....so I plan to look at both places on Wednesday hopefully and I can finally finalize something. I just hope I don't end up with any crazies.
It's going to be weird this time. I mean, I've lived on my own before but the circumstances were similar yet very different.
- Going away to figure things out
- To leave a situation where attachments were thick to where there were no attachments except those of proven unconditional and unwavering LOVE.
- Need some space to BREATHE and BE.
- Last time it was known to be a short period of time, then I would return...this time it's a longer period of time (a year) and who knows when or if I'll return.
- I was rather fearless last time because everything seemed so controlled and planned out. This time it's more of a whim.
- Home was a solace that I ran to, now home seems to be a bit of a hinderance where I'm departing from
I mean, it worked out pretty well last time so I can only hope that it'll work out well this time. I just need a pick me up...something to make my spirits a bit brighter I guess. Rob did ask me if I could watch his father while he was at work since my work schedule pretty much allowed it and I'd be in Philadelphia. Tbh, I would LOVE to. i would get a bit of money for myself on the side, PLUS I'd really be helping Rob out with some things which is all I really want to do. Shoot, hopefully I can maybe get some estimates of some of the things he wants done around the house and get that underway too. Of course I'd have to hustle and Lord knows I've been very lazy lately, but that's just a thing.
I know lately I've had quite a bit to lament on which has caused a distinguished amount of languishing and a diminishing of my inner light but through it all...I know I'm insanely blessed to even still be here. Now as far as my steps moving forward...I just PRAY that God grips me up and throws me to where I need to be going because as I've told him time and time again...I am dense, slow, and hardheaded and of course I'm BEGGING him to help me out here.
Oh! And I had a small conversation with the Stroups the other day (they live/stay at Country) and I told them a little bit of what I was trying to do, basically that this move is so that I can figure things out. The one piece of advice they gave me is to not listen too much to the advice of others and follow what you feel is right. But like I said, I'm not one to be swayed by others opinions and I do what I want...it has worked out alright thus far except for a few ******** ups in the past few years...which allude to my slight paranoia now.
Alas...I'm..okay...I just REALLY need to get my ENTIRE act together and SHAPE THE f** UP. I'll have to yell that to myself again soon because it's that imperative.
Peace & Blessings
Music: "Tears Always Win" - Alicia Keys from Girl On Fire
Music(2): "Through The Rain" - Mariah Carey from Charmbracelet
Music(3): "Fear" - Jazmine Sullivan from Fearless
· Mon Dec 03, 2012 @ 06:41pm · 0 Comments