As the title says, I started thinking about the previous entry just some minutes ago and really wanted to get this out.
I've had so many opportunities to learn more about someone I enjoyed being with. Someone I had something in common with. Perhaps it would have led to a dead end with only the solution of being friends, but may it wouldn't have. I like to imagine it wouldn't have worked out in any other direction, only to assure myself that my mistake of not pursuing a higher friendship had not been in vain.
Digression, you'll need to excuse it if you want to continue reading this. Just FYI XD
Despite my silly excuse, I still wish I could go back in time and fix this mistake. I can literally list at least 10 people off of the top of my head that I would have enjoyed being with, enjoyed getting to know and could see a future with. Instead, I felt no desire to have someone in my presence. I figured my future would just be myself sitting at a computer in some office or something. But no. I see the mistake I made and am aware that such a future is too depressing to bear. I see my sisters heading that way, and for better or worse, they will likely reach that destination. Leading to my next topic...
I've felt love whereas neither of them have. Literally. And I'm a little proud of it, because they've got so much more than I have in terms of their personality and qualities. My sister Emily, she's near damn perfect. She aces her classes, minus math, and is so well rounded that rough edges are impossible to find. And Andrea? She's near perfect, too. She's got her life coming clear to her as she attends college. Maybe a little attitude and difficulty in math.
-just got interrupted by my dad. 'this better stop', referring to me going to bed late on weekdays. Little does he know that the subject at hand is a slight bit important. Nevertheless, I continue-
What do I have? Perhaps I'm aware of the world's true colors.
-interrupted again, same thing. not even a minute had passed-
Perhaps I'm aware of the world's true colors. Maybe I'm braver, since I've stood up to other peoples' bullies as well as my own. Maddie, Connor was harassing her after they had some sort of breakup, and I told him to back off. Maybe it was just 4th grade, but it felt like a huge thing to me. And in 8th grade, one of the kids took our ball while we were playing wall ball and I made a stupid move of throwing something at him. Perhaps an idiotic thing, but still standing up for myself. Freshman year in highschool, some kid Chris or something kept making us run more laps in gym by not shutting up. He even pushed me, at one point, and hit my binder to the ground. I stood up to him and the idiot he was talking to, with both words and obstructing them when he walked one time. I was the only one that did anything about this guy, just like in the other situations, and whether or not I did the right moves, I feel happy that I, of all people, actually did something. I'm quiet and reserved, and it's these moments...
I'm rambling. My dad's getting impatient. Sorry.
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