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Girl Feelings ♥
Just expressing myself without hesitation.
Where Has My Mother's Love Gone?
Since last September I haven't spoken to my mom. She gets mad at the smallest of things and says the meanest of things ever.


She used to call me baby until I was seven years old. It made me feel loved that I had a mother who I can share anything with and she would totally understand whenever I get a mistake. She used to say that ok! You can do better next time and she tutors me every night until I get it perfect.
I think it was that one time in grade school instead of getting 1st Honor in my class, I became 3rd only. She got furious that she would lock their room with my dad so that I can't watch TV anymore to focus on my studies. I understood perfectly she was doing that for the best but even though I got 1st again, she never seemed contented with me. I graduated Salutatorian during the last year of Grade school and my mom didn't look so proud because I was second. She would then hit me with rulers if I don't get the answer right and call me bad names like b***h, stupid, crazy, no importance, useless daughter. She kept repeating these words " I wish I killed you when you were younger! I should've chocked you with your umbilical cord! You ungrateful daughter!" Well, that hurts right? Imagine hearing that over and over again. I know my friends tell me that jut let it pass through the other ear BUT MY GOD IT'S YOUR OWN MOTHER SAYING THAT. IT HURTS ALOT.

One time during NEW YEAR, I wanted to sleep in my neighbor's house with a group of my other friends. She ofcourse said NO. I tried to tell her that everything is ok because I live just one block away and its not unreasonable to. She then said that the fireworks might blow up on my face but I really said that they wont. But i lost and had to go home. We were getting ready to go to church and she pushed me and said why did you have to stay there!?! YOU ARE SUCH A PROSTITUTE! (I was only 9 that time.) She went downstairs, called my dad and left me on the stairway dripping with water, because I just came from the shower, crying and tormented. My maid arrived 2 mins after and gave me a huge hug. She couldn't believe when I told her what had happened.
There would be days when she wouldn't speak to me. There would be times when she would yell at me in so many bad words you can think of while people are walking past our house. They can actually hear what she is yelling about. She makes sure my dad wouldn't like me anymore. She loves brainwashing him! She calls me a thief when I borrow her stuff and I can't say anything when I find my clothes, lotions, make-up and anything that is mine in her area and is used without my consent. Well, great when I tell my dad about it, she goes and says but I bought this with MY MONEY. Trying to win with the money-on-your-face way.

She tries to over shine me at everything. From MONEY, CLOTHES, LAPTOPS, PARTIES, AND A LOT MORE. On my 18th birthday, I celebrated my Debut. SHE COULDN'T JUST LET ME HAVE MY DAY. She would flaunt as if it was her birthday! HAVING A DEBUT IS A ONCE IN A LIFE TIME THING! AND IT IS SO EXPENSIVE! She would just show how "awesome" she is and she ain't the celebrant. She would show her "talent in dancing" and got mad at me when I said that it would use up a lot of time and if she did wanted to dance, she should've said something a month before! IT AIN'T EASY TO PLAN A BALL TYPE PARTY! I had a year to prepare! And she ruins it She even stole my dress idea! What a biatch! And she even told the seamstress IN FRONT of my friends that "I WON'T LOSE TO YOU!" WHAT A JERK!

I speak nicely to her. I try my best to please her but HER PRIDE keeps getting in the way. I get so jealous with other people who can hug their mothers, have fun with their mothers, go shopping with their mothers, talk to their mothers, be loved by their mothers. She just gives me second hand clothes while she shops in branded stores. She goes out and parties with her friends and leaves me here at home. GOD SHE EVEN LOVES MY 9 CATS MORE THAN ME. SHE CALLS THEM BABY AND HUGS AND KISSES THEM. Am I that worthless to her? Geez.

I tell my friends, boyfriend, and dad about this but nothing seems to work. All they say is that you've gotta understand her because she is your mom. AND DON'T I MATTER? GETTING HURT JUST TO UNDERSTAND HER? GOD! I cry myself at night because when I see her, all she does is roll her eyes at me and slams a door so hard in front of me. She shows how disgusted her face is when she sees me. How can you understand that kind of person at all!?! I am hurt!

The reason I placed it in my journal is that, I can write all what I need to say without missing a lot of the important details. I can't even talk to anyone about this anymore because they just feel annoyed already and they keep telling me I can't win against her.


I hate her so much now.... crying

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  • User Comments: [8]
    Oh my gosh that is awful! I can't believe your mother would do that to you for so long! gonk I unfortunately don't have any solution to your problem since my mother has only gotten angry with me a few times and it never lasted very long... I was going to say to keep being nice to her and hope things would get better when I was about halfway through your message, but you said you've tried that and nothing has changed. Maybe you should tell her how you feel? I don't know if that would work or not but it's worth a try, and at least she would know how badly she's hurt you(but she should already know that. stare ). If I were in front of her now I would ask her why she treats you so badly. There's got to be a good reason for it. sad (I would also try to resist from slapping her for being so mean to you. mad )

    I really wish I could help you! *HUGS* cry You've been so nice to me I never would have guessed that you were being treated so badly. Reading this actually got me to start crying... crying If you ever need to talk about it you can talk to me, okay? I'll be praying that things get better for you very soon! heart

    Also, I'm going to ask my mom for advice on what you should do if that's okay. I really don't have any ideas and she always seems to have good advice.

    comment pandaluver11 · Community Member · Sun Nov 25, 2012 @ 03:29pm
    Thank you dear crying I've been keeping this in me for a long time. It actually feels a lot better that I've typed it all. sweatdrop I know I'm not perfect and no one is. Thank you so much for your kind words 3nodding that made me smile! and I literally said AWWWWE heart Awwe, you didn't have to but thank you so much! I shall stay strong always xx wink I feel like a huge bag of rocks was lifted of my shoulders! Wheeew!

    comment candyronniexx · Community Member · Mon Nov 26, 2012 @ 11:24am
    Ohh. yes. I've tried and tried talking to her but she makes it a point that everything is my fault. Hmmm confused Even my own dad is so confused about it. Some of my friends say that its like rivalry between me and my mom to get my dad's attention. Yes, I would resist slapping because I still have respect for her and myself. I wish she respected me to. emotion_8c

    comment candyronniexx · Community Member · Mon Nov 26, 2012 @ 11:27am
    I'm glad you're feeling a little better! heart I did ask my mom yesterday about what you should do, but I didn't hear much of what she said unfortunately because I was trying to stop crying. crying Sorry! I guess I was holding back more tears that I didn't know I had. I literally had just started telling her about you when I suddenly broke down crying...

    But anyways I told her about your problem and I did hear that she said(before I go on I would like you to know ahead of time that my mom is a devoted Christian. Now that you know I will continue...), "Sometimes people who aren't Christians do things like that. And sometimes people are like that because of drugs. But it might be that her mother doesn't know how to be a good mother because her own mother wasn't kind or motherly to her." I really don't know if it's any of those reasons, but that's what she thinks might be one of the reasons when I asked why someone would treat their daughter the way you said your mother is treating you.

    I'm sorry I don't remember any more of what she said, but I think what I quoted up there was most of it. Besides, I think I would've heard her if something stood out to me... Not really sure. Gosh I'm terrible at helping. sweatdrop gonk

    You are the coolest person ever for still respecting her. Seriously. 3nodding I don't know how she could see everything as your fault when it is clearly hers.(That's how I see it anyway.) That is just awful. sad

    comment pandaluver11 · Community Member · Mon Nov 26, 2012 @ 03:55pm
    You didn't have to cry!!!!! gonk I'm so sorry! gonk I didn't mean to make you feel bad cry But I'm really glad that your mom helped and even though you couldn't remember it was so touching that you still remembered even a bit. Even the tiniest things or words matter ^^
    Oh we are Christians too well Roman Catholic? Yes Roman Catholic but I'm a bad Christian teehee sweatdrop I tend to forget mass and swear a lot razz But I am good at times. I pray to God directly and talk to Him as if He is just like in front of me like a Big Brother I wished I had ^^

    My mom is Roman Catholic, and she is not on drugs. I swear! But if there was a drug that can make her nicer then I would overdose her with it.

    I keep praying and praying that things will be alright. Maybe the time isn't now but slowly it will. Time heals and keeping myself busy helps ^^

    Don't be sad now ok? I am being strong. I'll be strong for you smile Please tell your mom thank you smile thank you so much! heart

    comment candyronniexx · Community Member · Tue Nov 27, 2012 @ 12:05pm
    No no it's not your fault! No need to say sorry! I was just sad that my friend(you of course) was going through something so hard, and I felt bad that I couldn't be there with you to hug you or help you in some way. cry

    Well I'm glad to hear that! 3nodding I'm Baptist, but hey! We're all in the same boat pretty much. I'm also glad that she doesn't take drugs or anything. (Though I was doubting she did in the first place.)

    Me and my mom are both praying really hard for things to get better for you! ...And I'll try not to be sad or cry. I'll be strong for you too! heart

    comment pandaluver11 · Community Member · Tue Nov 27, 2012 @ 04:23pm
    Virtual hug then? emotion_hug hehehehe smile yes pretty much the same boat! Same God ^^
    Hahahaha I bet she has no idea where to get drugs. Neither do I but its so weird because during high school I had classmates who sell weed. AND THEY AREN'T 18! omg.
    Thank you again Abbie ^^ virtual hug! 4laugh You don't have to be sad anymore! Thank you for the prayers biggrin

    comment candyronniexx · Community Member · Wed Nov 28, 2012 @ 11:24am
    Seriously? eek Wow, I wonder where he got his hands on that stuff in the first place. confused I hope someone stopped him...

    VIRTUAL HUGGG!!! emotion_hug heart heart

    comment pandaluver11 · Community Member · Wed Nov 28, 2012 @ 02:02pm
    User Comments: [8]

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