Ah, such is the curse of life that as a woman I compare myself to other women.
I have so many gorgeous, beautiful, pretty, cute and/or hot friends but then when I look at myself I find none of these qualities. I look in the mirror and I see...I see an unattractive person, I see someone almost everyone passes by, someone that most people wouldn't give a second glance to.
I am not the girl that makes a guy stop in the street and I wouldn't want to be that girl, not really but I look at me and I don't see a pretty girl, I see a plain girl, an unattractive girl, a nerdy girl, I see a freak.
I have been trying to look at myself in a more positive light, to be comfortable with my body, with the way I look but it's hard.
I don't feel beautiful, I don't feel pretty, I don't feel gorgeous, I don't feel cute, I don't feel hot. If you told me I was any of those things, I wouldn't believe you, I couldn't believe you because I don't see those things in myself.
It's why my avatar is so beautiful, so confident, she is everything that I'm not (except for the crazy).
I wish I could be her, but on some level I must be her right? I mean I made her up, and those feelings she has, those thoughts that she has, they must have come from somewhere inside me, right?
I wish that I could find where those things lie and that the real me could project, could be that girl that I want to be.
So I don't feel this way.
So I don't feel like a nothing.
So I don't feel so inadequate.