Its one of those days. One of THOSE days... I have relatively few now and that's a very good thing! Woke up this morning preemptively by my darling, annoying-a** doggies! The little wild horse family that comes to drink water at our house every morning got them riled up. The older dogs know better by now to leave them alone but the young ones still chase them, and won't listen when I try to call them; too enthralled with the excitement of jumping at the horses... They're gonna get kicked in the head if their not careful, dumb youngsters.
Don't get me wrong I love my dogs! I've been spending the past couple of weeks in retraining them. Taking back my pack after they fell under the sketchy leadership of an eccentric female mama dog. My fault. I neglected them. I was too stuck on my own s**t. My s**t mattered. I mean I was getting sober, that was extremely important but as they tell you in the program it can be "selfish". You HAVE to put yourself first, at least your sobriety. I needed to get sober to live. But it came with it a lot of missed time with my pack. I'm getting that back now but man are they putting me through it!
Between them and my bf I'm lucky if I get to sleep. I love my man, he's supported me through the hard s**t and stayed with me through the crap. And he does it all without 'having' to. I mean we'll never have kids together and his negative experience with marriage means we probably will never get married. That's okay, marriage has always just seemed like a formality or ritual for basically saying you're the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. I've already come to that decision, I've already told him, I tell him constantly. There's no need for a wedding although I can't deny its not a secret dream of mine *_* but so is performing on Broadway with Neil Patrick Harris and I think we know how far that will go-- I am in no way musically talented And besides he (my bf not NPH) bought me an AWESOME ring this year for Valentines' so I GOT THE RING!! LOL I really don't need a ceremony to prove to people we love each other and are dedicated. For one thing: we have nothing to prove to anyone but ourselves and we went through one hell of a journey together getting sober for each other so I think we've proved to each other exactly what we need to know:
That neither of us is going anywhere, we're in it for the long haul. I'm devoted to him.
But that doesn't mean he can't drive me crazy!
He keeps me up at night when I really want to sleep (he has trouble sleeping) and then the dogs wake me up extra early. I'm not wired as loosely as I used to be. I can't just wake up, go handle business and then go pass back out like I used to. When I WAKE up I'm up. (This does not include zombie walks to the bathroom however lol) So on days like today when I get to sleep a little before 3 am and then get woken up before 7 I am a little-- just a teeny-weeny little bit G R U M P Y ! !
A little stressed.
A little.... crazy.... My head hurts.
I want so badly to sleep but trying is futile I'll only frustrate myself and probably make my back sore from tossing and turning. Meh all I can do is come on gaia and complain! Yay gaia! lol I can't really think of more to add to this particular entry my mind has finally fully woken up and is now working but I just so happen to be listening to Good Charlotte - The Young & The Hopeless
Maybe I'll blog about that next ^_^ I'm in a journaling mood now! Cool! Misery breeds good situations for writing inspiration (Pfft, I SHOULD have remembered that! )
Thanks for reading if you did! <3
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