So I've got this thing where when someone looks at me, I get pissed off.
Not always, but often.
See, being with my friends a lot, this doesn't apply. I mean, you have to look at each other to communicate, right? So that's fine.
I'm saying like, creeps, *****, or just plain out people I don't like too much, their stares annoy me.
I mean, I don't want to admit that I'm a person full of hate, but I definitely am not filled with love and laughter.
But this "stare at me and I'll be bothered" thing doesn't apply to everyone, as said before. It mostly applies to guys. I like girls automatically. Not the like-like type, but I accept them for who they are. I like girls, all girls.
Guys have to work a lot harder to earn my acceptance. Before I knew it, I've built up this anti-guy reputation. It's feels pretty... highly, I guess. Idk.
So yeah. Sometimes, I'd get so bothered by stares that I would go, "Hey, could you please stop staring at me?" in a super normal voice. In my mind, I trying my best not to snap.
Anger management problems? I don't have them. I manage my anger quite well, thank you very much. It's just that, it's hard work. For a person who could summon as much anger as I can, it's tough bottling that all up.
But then there's those times when someone I really like (like, like-like) looks at me. Then I go like, "Well crap."
It's not that I hate it, I just feel uncomfortable in that case. Like, several thoughts come to my mind all at once, and it clouds my thinking. I may do something without thinking straight.
Who can think straight when the world is round?
Wise, isn't it? I was talking to myself when I said that on impulse and was like, "Woah, That sounded deeeeeep."
Today, he was looking at me.
In all honesty, I thought I got over it. I was never too into it that it showed, but I'm scared.
I'm scared that one day, some day, the boy I like will look at me, and I'll blush. That would be hell.
I think blushing is a sign of weakness. Weakness, though, isn't always bad. I, regardless, see weaknesses as, well, weak.
He looked at me? Or maybe something near me. Anyways, for a split-second or even more, our eyes met. I knew he knew that I was looking at him, and yet, this is what bothers me most, he didn't do anything.
And so, I'm lost.
I have this thing of doing experiments on people's brains. No, I don't have some odd disorder thing (although a disorder that always me to study brains sounds pretty cool. ) but it's more like a hobby.
The experiments I did on the guy I liked had so many results, and they were inconsistent. At first, I didn't understand it. Then, after looking over my notes a few times, I realized that I have witnessed and took note of changes in his mind.
The change went from in my favour, to not in my favour. Although I should be sad about it, I'm hyped. No, he doesn't like me. Well, my tests say he doesn't. However, he unknowingly opened up a new path in my life.
So thanks, number nine, if you're reading this.
And for those who don't know, number nine is a nickname I developed for him. It's based off of his volleyball jersey number, but also on his last name. His last name sounds like the number "nine" in his language, so I thought, "well this is just perfect!"
So yeah. NUMBAAAAH NINE!
But I swear, today was just bleh~ He looked, I looked. I was waiting for him to look elsewhere, but he keep looking. He might not have been looking at me, but he was looking in my general direction. Because I'm visually impaired, I couldn't see where his eyes were focused.
DANG THIS VISION OF MINE!
Actually, I don't mind. Glasses make you look smart, and smart is attractive, to me at least.
So yeah. I would suggest wearing sunglasses. This way, I won't know if anyone is looking at me or not, so I won't be bothered.
So anyways, while we were having, like, some untold staring contest or whatever, I looked away. I couldn't handle it. I looked at the Canadian flag on the wall of my homeroom. Then I looked back, and met his eyes yet again, and I freaked out on the inside.
Sure, no one noticed me do anything, but I did. I noticed myself act... weird. I guess I kind of like him a bit.
He's not taken, but I don't want to take him. Why?
I started doing an experiment on a girl (my first experiment on a girl! I'm excited.) and she seems interested in number nine.
Weird, she always hangs out around him. And you know what? He looks happy to me. If he's happy, I'm happy. If she's happy, I'm even more happy.
You see, these two test subjects are happy together, and I can't help but feel happy too. I don't want to push them together though. Why? Because that's like tampering with my own testing.
It's like seeing how long it'll take for a drop of water to dry, and then drying it out yourself. Sure, both have the same results, but one gives you information, and the other deprives of your chance to learn.
I've come to the conclusion that I have a thirst for knowledge. I'm not at all attracted to work. I like learning.
The way teachers teach us in school? Work. They give us work in hopes that we learn. But, I mean, it isn't that simple. You have to introduce new knowledge to us, and review it throughout the year. If you claim that work helps us review our knowledge, well that kind of makes a paradox, right?
If you need to know it to be able to review it, but you need to review it in able to know it, and all of a sudden you're expected to know it after it's introduced?
Like, say, female ostriches are brown and male ostriches are black. When they have babies, they take turns incubating the eggs. The female sits on the eggs in the day when she camouflages, and the male sits on them at night when he camouflages.
...okay. That was a bad example because you already review the knowledge there. You read it, and that means you saw the words, took in the words yourself, and understood that words..
Actually, you know what? I can't argue about how teachers teach because I can't even explain myself. What I'm saying is, work doesn't necessarily make us learn. Take, for example, ostriches. What colour is a female ostrich? I do hope you said brown. See? You didn't do work to learn that really. You just learned it, like that.
You know what? It'll be a long time before you forget what colour ostriches are.
Ahh, it's late.
And yeah, I do have a mild fetish for ostriches.
Goodnights, and thanks for reading!
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