I had the weirdest dream last night. Of all things I could dream about. My older brother Teddy hugging me. Needless to say this might not be weird to anyone, but to dream of a brother who has been missing for some time is really hard. I woke up crying because I so desperately wanted it to be real. He always made me smile. I just have that gut feeling that deep down.. that he left us a long time ago. Everyone has been... optimistic about his return.
His last sighting was at a party, where he got into an argument and a fight.. then walked away into the night. That was the last anyone has ever seen of him. Awhile back someone found a full skeleton body of a person, in that same area. Everyone denies it to be him, but as the results of the dental id came back.. They say it matched. I remember that day. I was walking to class laughing and enjoying my day. Me and Tuz (bf at the time)were laughing about something he had said when my phone started ringing. I stopped and gave my bookbag to Tuz just to answer. The news was from my older sister. About the skeleton, the positive id match on the dental area.. and then she said through choked words that it matched Teddy's. I remembered I walked away from Tuz shocked. Like someone had hit me in the stomach really hard and every single emotion felt like it fell straight down to the pits of my stomach. I know she was crying but all I could say was no.. no.. no. Thats when I sat down on the cold freezing ground and went into shock. Tuz ran up to me and picked me up and carried me back to my dormroom.
I love Tuz still because no matter my situation hes always by my side.. I will always miss him. lol I really dont mention him because he left me here alone. He passed away last year.
Through all the deaths and grief I have endured.. XD People say it gets easier. No.. It doesnt. You just manage the pain a bit better day by day. The memory of the person might fade but the love you have for them, it actually stays and once dwelled apon.. It hurts so much. Like someone poking at an empty space in your heart.
My missing brother, my love, my auntie (mom), and some friends that I might bring up from time to time.. How they were loved. Wonderful people and always remembered. Even though people stay optimistic about my brother.. In my dream, he hugged me and said 'Starwars I love you sistah. You take care of everyone.'
Its heartbreaking. But once you lose someone, you tend to be more protective of those people you do care about that are in your life right now.
Love those around you the best you can... even if they hurt you. Forgive them and your life will be a bit easier.. and in the end... You will have their love and respect for all time. I'll follow those guidelines always. <3
Wishing to be an optimistic Dream..
Over and out...
· Tue Nov 06, 2012 @ 03:57pm · 0 Comments