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Lilly's Diary
personal thoughts here
:/ these feels.
Chloe talking about going to a dance on halloween. Liked a page called Rave 2 the Grave.

I think, ok. It may not be a rave. It may be a dance.. but no. I looked into it. 10PM to 4AM. dancers, djs, etc.etc., it's a ******** rave. a real rave, in SA.

I can't go with her because dad is stuck in the hospital and someone has to be here with alexa. if she were 15-18 I could go, but I can't. So it'd be chloe alone at a rave. I have this terrible, terrible feeling of dread deep in the pit of my stomach.

I know it's excruciating fear because of her going to a rave, but also, the feeling that if she goes, something bad will happen.

I'm not going to tell her how I feel. I'm not going to stop her. I'm just going to sit on the shore and watch this ship sink. Relation-ship. Get it? I'm ******** lame. I gave her 3 chances. She ******** me 3 times. If she goes to this rave, if she does drugs again, that's it.

There will be no hope. There will be no way I could possibly save her. It'll mean at her core she just wants to party, and while a lot of people our age are fine with that, I can't sit here and watch the person I love destroy herself.

She won't even have to tell me what she's going to do. I'll just know, instinctively. I always know.





 
 
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