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Ryo's Travels
My life & journey through MY eyes.
Different Strokes for Different Folks

There's love....then there's everything else...

I'm quickly realizing that different things work for different people. After reading the Calvin got a job in New York, not sure what he's doing, I was a tad beside myself just because I, again, went through everything that I did in my head and how it amounts to nothing now.

I obviously thought I was doing everything "right", but was it "right" for me or for someone else. I can say that I didn't really follow my heart most of the time. The only time I really followed me heart and knew that I really wanted to do something (and was actually excited about it) was becoming an RA and participating in TFAS. Regardless of some of the difficulties that both possessed, I really have nothing but good words for both experiences because they were exactly what I needed at the time.

So, I think it'd be a great idea to focus on what might be best for me right now. This whole "living for me" thing hasn't really worked out. I always thought I had to go out and make it happen just like everyone else out here, and I guess in that process I ended up potentially destroying the life of someone that I really love. I feel that my heart is telling me that I want to move in with Rob, work, and help him better himself and his life. That's really what my heart is telling me and it's really want I want to do. I think it'll ultimately make me happy in the long run rather than chasing a silly dream that I'm not even sure that I want, especially given the circumstances of everything that has happened this summer. Regardless of what my peers think or what they're doing, many of which are starting their own businesses, building their brands, and honing their talents. Since I"m vastly unsure, I think it'd be good to dedicate a significant part of my life to someone I love, and take the time to figure it out a long the way.

So, clearly from my last few posts I've been feeling less expressive and kinda more into internal feeling. I couldn't even finish my birthday post and my last post, that single sentence, came earlier this week when my mother decided to yell at me while I was sick and feeling weak, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

So I started working at The Country Inn & Suites about a week ago. I'm making $8.25/hr. The people are cool, the work is typical, I'm just trying to feel my way around there and get used to everything. It is my hope that by early next year, I will be able to transfer to the Radisson hotel in Philadelphia, one of the two, preferably the one downtown but there's one in the Northeast off of the Boulevard. It would be a change, transferring to a full service hotel, but the fact that they're owned by the same company and the system is exactly the same definitely works. I should definitely go up there or call up there and speak to someone as soon as possible.

That way I can live with Rob, give him money (while trying to pay my own bills) and try to make his life a little easier while he takes care of his entire family. Little things like washing his clothes, grocery shopping, cleaning, and paying his bills will definitely help him out a lot in the long run and I just want to be that helping hand so I pray that God allows me to do that.

I'm starting to think that God lets us run our own lives to an extent, until we ******** up too much then he takes it back with the quickness. I'm pretty sure I've lost my rights to life. Blah. Bittersweet feeling. neutral But it's clear I'm not here for conventionality and a 22 year old man dealing with everything that I am and have been dealing with AND moving in with his 37 year old boyfriend, who has had certain health complications since he was little, to help him out sounds absolutely CRAZY on paper...but when you're as involved in my life as I am or probably Eion, it somewhat makes a bit of sense....so we'll have to see where everything goes.

Also, I would like to write about the first statement in this post.... wink heart

Peace & Blessings heart


Mood: Reprioritizing 3nodding
Music: "When I Saw You" - Mariah Carey from Daydream

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