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oh god. I think that GAIA, AIM, and MYSPACE
...they're my last resorts when the whole world is falling apart around me
I have such bad anciety. Like, I reallly do. I panic all day. I feel like NO ONE is there...
Music gets stuck in my head
im always at work. i feel like I am letting everyone down becase Im a ******** up
i saw devin and karolyn last night and it hurt to see him so happy, but not because I MISS HIM.. because I dont think I actually do anymore. Just tat I CANT BE THAT HAPPY.. and I dont know wht..
Mike is such an awesome guy, but i think he does NOT get me. I really wish that I could find someone who does, but i get so clingy so fast that I think i scare people away... it sucks so bad.
The only time that I feel okay is when im being distracted ro talking ot him.
but he causes me anciety too... I dont understnad.
I got to see so many wonderful awesome bands, hear such wonderful descriptive music..
im so worried about death. I feel like I am living in the remembering befoer it eben happens.. thats why i take so many pictures of everything.
I feel like m y thoughts are all jumbled, and there is no one there to help or eben care that theyre ******** up. I feel like not ONE person cares anymore, because evryone is so wrapped up in their own libes. Im so envious of jeremy and kara, because theyre al the years that AT TH E TIME i hated, but now i wish i could go back... like to maybe seventh grade. not to even do anything differently. just to redo them all, exactly th same just o i can re expririence i. i wish that I could just find a way to NOT think. i get high an d i think i scare mysel to the point of not being able to deal with ANYTHING nd then i feel like there is NO ONT ehre for me when it matters because ive pushed everyuon away.
I feel like im way too fat so i should ******** stop eaibg but idkhow to do that, i feel like im a messy inorginaed slpb.. i hate the way that i think i hate how my thoughts race and jump araound. i feel bipolar, i feel phsitzo SP
i feel lik e no one of who used to care does, not even myh parents i feel lik im spiraling and there is no one who can control it or even yry to catch me.
im scared to live scared to die.... i feel like god mys t be real, but what if he isnt . i feel like im gunnaa go to hell. i feel like eberything is wrong in my life and im so terreified. everything has changed so fast... in the course of three moths the whole world hat I had whas been SMASHED re built, destroted, and ******** over..