I don’t like dealing with pain at this situation… it hurt my chest and mostly my heart. I always try to ignore it and pretend nothing is wrong with me, but it still there…emptiness with huge hole on my heart. I guess I always ended up not smiling at the end of the day. I tried all my best to find a way to get rid of my loneliness but the result will always be the same at the end of my day. Lonely…Quiet…unbeaten heart…and feeling nothing. I also don’t like giving my pain to someone else. I’ll make them worse than they have. I would rather hold my pain and let it hurt me than giving it to people and then hurt them. Either way, It can make me feel bad and end up not smiling. When people say I’m here for you, I get a bad feeling that I will make them involved with my pain and I know they wouldn’t like it. I prefer to let it out on my own…alone in a room where no one would try to find me. It just hurt to have someone you cared see you crying alone
Because my heart has a huge hole at the center containing with emptiness…I will try to place a shield or armor on my heart to protect from everyone’s lies, hurtful, used, and etc. Also it will protect from the feeling of love I get from someone. From now on until in couple years or so, I will try not fall in love with someone. Not because someone broke up with me. It because I have a feeling behind my heart that I took someone’s happiness and blew it away. Maybe I will never know what it like to be in someone’s arm for a long while until eternally. Maybe I will forget how to love and just be what I always been from childhood to today. With this shield or armor on my heart, I can try to be happy no matter how stupid I am. Yup I will try to forget everything what I got….
· Tue Aug 21, 2012 @ 05:48am · 1 Comments