I'm just counting down to the time I can leave now. I want to leave.
Last night I had a weird little... emotional situation? I could have let it get worse so it was an episode or so that I hurt myself but I didn't. Instead, I took the high school things that were around my room and packed them into a briefcase. If I could pack away all the painful reminders and memories, I would. Even with the good, I think I would be better off without them all.
I kept my red butterfly up because I adore those memories and I kept all the photos since the frames are all so nice and I don't take many photos ( there would be hardly any choices in what to replace them with, Lol )
It didn't exactly feel better to pack them all away but at the same time it did ease the pressure. I have been having dreams about Tj these days and it freaks me out. After having a second dream in a row with her in it, I just wanted some assurance she wouldn't be in my dreams again or at least there were less chances if I didn't see high school stuff about my room. The first dream I had about her, I knew I had a boyfriend who I really liked but kissed her anyway. In the dream, I wanted her love again. It was... toxic. I don't like knowing I had a dream like that about her, one that I was happy to be in love with her again. I wouldn't be happy with that. Yes, I would love her attention once more even though it was a bad relationship ( in a friendship sense people, geez ). It's pathetic, yes I know. I was just... so attached and so close to her. She really was a sister to me. The momentary weakness makes sense but the second dream did not need her in there. I did not need to see her again in my dreams. No, we didn't do anything but it was a drama moment in the dream when I saw her with her parents at the event I was at. There was a wheelchair race and I remember spending a lot of time in the dream remarking with a friend about the different types of hair. We wanted to color our hair or didn't like the certain shade or style of someone else. My Dad had been in the war so he got to do the wheelchair race. He was so embarrassed that his head was replaced with the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. Weird a** dreams....
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