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It really seems like, after two years, I ought to make an update to this journal. A lot has happened, and yet at the same time, so little has happened.

I never found that job. Well, I mean, I held a partial freelance job for a dealership service for awhile, but the chick who ran it was half-crazy and taking advantage of me, so I could only take about six months of that (July 2011 to December 2011). Other than that, not a lot of luck in terms of sending out applications and whatnot. But let's face it, when your heart isn't into something, you have a tendency to not succeed in it.

You wouldn't know it (since there haven't been updates to this account), but I spent a little over two years within the Nellis community and I have mixed feelings about that. Coincidentally (or not so much), I also had a best friend for about that long, until she went mega-b***h on me and started talking s**t behind my back. *Shrugs* I invested too much time in both her and the various groups. I was stuck in a loop during that time, where most to all of my thoughts went towards the pairing/rps/etc.

I did get about nine months (July 2010 to April 2011) where I was involved with a GameFAQs group that liked to play L4D2 versus nearly every night, and that was a lot of fun, but naturally couldn't last forever. Nothing can, and the Nellis fandom has slowed considerably, especially since I left. See, I worked my way up in the social ladder, people called me a "Queen of Nellis", I ran the biggest/most active group for it on dA, I became a BNF (Big Name Fan), all Nellis-shippers knew my name if they didn't know me personally.

Again, that succeeding when your heart's in it thing.

I had fun while I did, and thankfully I recognized at a certain point that the drama outweighed the fun and got out. Drifted for about a month and a half until I watched the Avengers in theatres. =)

So yeah, my new OTP (One True Pairing) is Tony Stark/Bruce Banner and (at least for now) the community is very friendly and full of pep. Lots of good quality art and fic. Did I mention I donated $500 to charity to get some huge-a** standees from the Stockton theatre? >w>

But in a more serious realm, I finally started seeing a Psychologist (I like to call him my Shrink xd ) in early May of this year regarding my 'gender identification issues'. So I'm now a self-proclaimed FtM. I've undergone dresswear changes over the past two years, totally rehashed my wardrobe (save for the t-shirts 8U), donated a lot of old stuff to Goodwill and purchased a lot of stuff at American Eagle Outfitters. I had gone to a crossdressing class at Yaoi-con 2011, and got a link to purchase a really nice chest binder, which I wear with relative frequency-- it does wonders, let me tell you.

About three weeks ago, I finally cut my hair to a male style. Mike did the chop-shop and I had a salon appointment the next morning. The guy was really fun and friendly and the cut was spot-on for the two cosplays I did at A-kon 2012 (Nick and Bruce); also I finally got to meet MidoriEyes (who was at least partially responsible for me getting into the Avengers, since she was spamming it on her tumblr and getting me hyped before I hit the theatre-- though she's more a Stony girl). Anyway, I've had a LOT of mixed reaction to the cut, though mostly people have told me it looks good or 'cute' (which works, since guys can be cute). On one side of the spectrum was my mom, who's cried about it twice now, and on the other, Scott, who congratulated me on undertaking a new persona.

I've also successfully (yes, my heart's been in it) been putting on muscle weight, thanks to returning to my old Tang Soo Do dojo (still the same place, same time in the Dublin Shannon Community Center) and signing up for a new one, Lee's Korean Martial Arts in Elk Grove. He works us pretty hard and is a lot less technical, but thanks to the background I already have, I'm picking up a lot of the Hapkido moves with ease regardless of the lack of explanation. Just last week Mike and I started a Starting Strength routine at the UOP gym (lulz, he still counts as a student and I'm a spouse so that's only $40 for each of us 'til Summer III ends); that's MWF, in the AM so the workout stations are available. It's been really nice, imo, and we grab an early lunch after we're all showered up and done. ^_^ It also feels great to invest in my body.

So thanks to the various changes, I'm a lot more androgynous now. Getting more confused looks as people attempt to figure out which I am, and the other day I even had someone mistakenly call me "Sir" from across the store. xd

Eventually, and this may happen before the summer's end, I do intend to switch my name to Diedrich and make that transition.

Through it all, Mike and I have been getting along well. This is speaking recently, of course, because we were nearly to the point of breaking it off roundabout August 2010 after a particularly awful summer of painful interaction, and then we were still having trouble for nearly a full year after that. I guess we must have recovered though. I've been feeling closer to him thanks to his acceptance of my transgenderism-- besides the shrink, he's been one of the very few to be supportive. And he... I dunno, he's always a mystery, but I appreciate who he is. He put in a year of good (internship) work at Intel and is trying to finish his thesis this summer before jumping back into the workfield (either as graduate-level intern or full-time). Right now we're sliding by on saved-up funds in the bank, cuz obviously, I'm unemployed.

And would still like to stay that way.

Though I'd also still like to stay married. Our relationship isn't perfect (I say, who's is?) and the move to becoming 'male' outwardly has put strain on things. At the moment the deal is no body modification. Maybe in another two years you'll get an update on that, aha.

My mom finished her degree at UC Merced (though she was awarded another Master's instead of a Doctorate) and is now teaching summer courses as a prof (which is what she wanted). Dad hasn't retired yet, but it looms ahead. And my brother graduated highschool less than a month ago. *Wipes tear* He was salutatorian and got to do a speech at the ceremony. Stan and Virda visited for the event (and btw, I got a card from them saying they were 'supporters of ALL of me, not judges'), which was good fun and a good visit.

Riordan got accepted into Pepperdine, and I'm so proud and thrilled for him but I'm gonna miss his a** so much. crying Hopefully I'll be able to visit frequently despite the long drive down to Malibu-- I'll sure make every effort! Over these past two years he and I have grown even closer and shared a lot of our deepest feelings together, as well as goofing off like 'tards. He's the best. heart

On that note, I close. smile