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Gaia has always been a weird constant in the ever-shifting tapestry of life. I first stumbled upon it in the days of 03 when I was an estranged teenager in Sacramento: trying to adjust from small town life to a fairly large city (and failing horribly to do so).

And now I am back in that city - no longer a fledgling but a man of 23 years. I have made mistakes in the search of love, I have been built and destroyed my hubris a hundred times over: I have brought new life into this world and struggle so that I may shape it in a way that will benefit our species as a whole when the next generation comes of age.

So many regrets... so many world views shattered and re-pieced. Morals dampened and morals raised: ideals evolved and discarded.

I look back on what I felt necessary to preserve for posterity and I find pain... an enormous wellspring of pain that has shaped me into the person I am today. While life is still far from ideal... while I see myself now just as a loser of a different breed: I also find purpose and less hopelessness in the ever more frequent coos and smiles of my baby daughter.

I want her to be like me: thoughtful, literate (and a little nerdy too) and yet I would not wish my pain on her to make her so.