So...this kind of stems from last night and a SH*T load of stress coming down on me.
Let me explain. I'm the second oldest of all of my cousins, about 6 months younger then my oldest cousin. I'm the oldest female. And my mom is the 'mommy' of our damn family.
My family, I don't like half of them. There's reasons but we're not going into that bullshit. I'd rather not stress about it some more. I'm stressed as it is.
Anyways, I'm expected to be Sunshine-Happy-Girl in my family. I was when I was younger. But once I started to get up in the grades, I became depressed. Friends were nearly non-existent, bullies were abundant and I didn't like crowds even then. So I was a very depressed teen.
On top of that, my OCD tendencies and ADHD (Attention Deficient Hyperactive Disorder) was coming to light. Yeah, I was one of the first people to get ridilian. It put me to sleep people, so I stopped taking it.
Anyways, that just added to the depression. Of course, adding to all of this stress was family going 'Oh, can we please borrow this?' and my grandparents dying in my Sophmore and Junior years. Not of the happy making.
Therapy worked, when I was able to get it and when I didn't have pills shoved at me. I'm doing pretty good.
Up until last night. Not only do I have family who are sick, I have family saying s**t about me when they don't even know me anymore. They haven't seen me since I was 16 for ******** sake!
And of course, I got a call from the guy who I interviewed with a couple of days ago where he said that I wasn't what he was looking for. He told me at the end of the interview that I was high up on the list and I know he didn't tell others that. I was part of a set.
I'm betting he hired the blond bimbo that sat next to me while we waited and who is willing to be payed less then what the ad offers. I hope he chokes when she costs him money...
It didn't help that I didn't know what was going on with a friend so that just added to everything.
I wrote a YIM status that said I should just stay away from people and their unreasonable expectations of me. And I still stand by it. Mind you, that wasn't towards any one person. Thus the reason for this journal.
It was me wanting to get away from those who I know who want to jump all over me for not being God. Damn it! I'm a human being! I forget things, I can't do a lot of things, and yes, I'm in a s**t load of pain, daily, because I was rough on my body in my younger years.
I don't need the stress of someone crawling up my a** because I didn't do something.
For now, I have to go hunt down YIM archives that has a list that I lost. Not to mention forgot about. Try not to go out and do something that's liable to get me arrested, much less committed.
Rose Strailo · Fri May 11, 2012 @ 01:20am · 0 Comments |