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I don't want to be mad anymore.
I kind of feel bad about ranting about my ex husband on this site and anywhere else. I knew that one day I'd have to meet the new woman and the new baby. A few weeks ago in March, my mom, kids and I met my former parents in law, the ex husband, new woman and baby at the mall. It was kind of an awkward experience. This is the woman he had an affair with. However, it was many cute moments seeing my ex walking around the mall pulling my son in a Radio Flyer Red Wagon, my daughter walking along and him pushing the baby around in the stroller. He's such an adorable baby! He looks a lot like his father. My autistic son doesn't speak, but he did shake his grandfather's hand. My daughter really loves her new baby half brother. They had so much fun playing in the mall. Nope I don't want to be a catty bitchy ex wife wanting to start a cat fight! I also want to let go of a lot of anger in the past. In the sixth and seventh grade, I was bullied mercilessly for being shy. Didn't help that I had a bad perm and was the ugliest girl in the class. In the fifth grade I was one of the first girls to reach the hundreds range in weight. The boys called me a cow! It got so bad that I had to be home schooled! The teasing didn't stop there. When I was in the ninth grade taking Confirmation classes, a couple of the boys who made fun of me before in school were still making snide remarks. I vowed that one day I would get revenge! I was going to go to college, get a really good education and strike it rich. Then I was going to track down all my enemies and gloat in their faces. Well I didn't finish my college education because I got pregnant, got married, got pregnant again and went through a divorce. I also have a learning disability. Now that I'm a mother I don't want revenge anymore. Is that really the lesson I want to teach my children? All seeking revenge does is make me miserable all the time. I can't keep going over all the bad things that happened in the past. I find it much better to let go of all my emotional baggage and move forward. Maybe one day I'll have the courage to go to all my former enemies and say "I forgive you". Always looking forward, never looking back.
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