Am I in denial?
I have a plan. Everything is falling into place, yet at the moment I feel so miserable. Perhaps simply because I haven't been sleeping much and when I do, it's been in the back of my car... but I cried the other day. Not like a few small tears but I was sobbing, and I feel like doing so again right now. I dont know. You say youre happy I'm here and you seem to genuinely enjoy it when we are together. But you're so resistant to hanging out with me. I really wanted to hang out with you yesterday... I needed you... at least I felt like I did and still feel like I need to. Yes I'd love to put a romantic spin on our relationship but it's more that you're the one person I consider a friend. I know no one here. I am by myself and afraid to trust anyone who's willing to help. I can't wait to have a bed... and truthfully I want to come over so I can sleep inside, instead of out here in my car. I don't regret the move.. I do miss the comforts though. and you're my sole comfort here. I'm sorry that I'm so selfish. I know you have your own life, and a boy friend on top of it all. Though I suspect the relationship is less than you'd like me to believe... but I have nothing to support that other than my feelings. The effects of this lifestyle are very draining. I can already feel my strength sapping away. Perhaps it's just the euphoria of the change wearing off.. but it's hard to feel anything but sadness anymore. Except when I'm with you, I don't feel the love and admiration for this [lace as when I first arrived. Well I'm off to my lonely parking spot to sleep.