A couple of days ago, my contacts really hurt because they went ouf of place. I don't know if that is related to these moments I have been having, where my vision blacks out for a split second and returns. I'm getting really panicked. Every time my vision blacks out, I start getting so anxious that I feel like I'm going to die. This sounds stupid, but I feel so distressed that I have a deep, bitter, sinking feeling in my stomach--a stinging bite of acute misery and worry. It's always been something that had haunted me throughout my life. During my life, I guess I've had two major fears--fear of swimming and fear of further damage to my vision. Just typing this out brings a horrible feeling to myself. I've overcome my fear of swimming, and now it seems so foolish that I was scared of a tiny thing like swimming when I've got problems like my eyes.
I'm just going to wait a bit longer, ban myself from the computer, and eat healthy for a while. I don't know if this is related to my bad vision... I was born with bad vision, but my mom always lectures me as if I had caused it. If I had any children in the future, I wouldn't blame them for things like being born with a bad vision and a high blood pressure.
I don't know what I would do if I lost my vision. Life isn't anything if you don't have your eyes. If you don't have your health, what do you have?
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Serene: To the General Public At Last
A few pieces of Ser's thoughts and life, which are carefully broken down from her life mosaic and preserved into this online journal. Read with care.
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