Lately it feels like I've been waiting for something.
I can't believe myself. I've been staying inside the Watermeat Commons a lot lately.
But, what am I supposed to do?
I can't go out in the outer world with no hearing. It'll get me killed. I'll get killed a lot of places with bad hearing, actually. Especially places with elves.
So all I've been doing is watching everyone else. Those students from my own house, people that I haven't bonded to. Ignorant, happy, carefree students.
I hate them for it. I hate them for having no stress, for being able to be so blissfully unaware of that damn shadow that's leaked into our school. I'm jealous, I know. I want to scream at them, tell them everything that's going on.
But it's better this way. Right? The less people to get killed.
Lately I feel like I've been left alone.
First it was by Hae, Eve, Mira, even...hell, even Whirky. They all (except for Hae, who is probably partying in heaven right now) left. Disappeared.
Then, Rob. No sight or sound, a few run-ins in the outer world but I never ask him about why he left. I feel like some part of me does know.
Jinx. First it was to Raz, and now...now she just scowls at me. She doesn't talk to me anymore. And it's all Gloom's fault.
Rika. The idiot thought she was saving everyone. I wanted her to runaway, but not to her father. All she left behind was a note.
Bri. She's stressed, she's secretive, she's worrying the damn hell out of me. She's here, but I know she's gone. Locked herself away from all of the hurt she had opened herself up to. All because of Gloom.
Three of my best friends, gone with the wind, and as fickle as it too.
Nara, that precious little baby fawn. She's gone, because what reason has she to stay? She's back with Carl, probably where she should have been instead of Gio's familiar.
...Gio. I don't know why, I don't know how. But there is a mangled body, lying at the tree. I caught a glimpse of it before I turned and walked off. He's deagone. All because of Gloom.
Everything horrible that's happened to this school, all because one stupid girl made one stupid deal.
Lately I feel like the only sound I'm going to ever hear is that terrible white noise.
Everybody is gone. The gauntlets won't respond.
Everybody is hurt.
So, what do I do? Do I sit by this window, deaf, crippled, watching the school fall away before me, because the people who are in charge of it are trying to convince everyone it's safe? Do I watch every one of my friends die, because of that horrible demon?
Or do I...Do I go out? Do I go out with absolutely no information, in some attempt to get everyone back? Do I attempt to kill Gloom, do I try to do something and get myself killed in the end? Do I run away?
It's like the last pages of the fairytale book got stuck together, so all of the characters are to live in this perpetual unsureness, the point where everything has gone to hell.
I'm alone, I think. Before I thought I was alone too, even though I was surrounded by people I failed to keep near me. But this time, this time I think I really am alone.
Every big decision I've made, I've made it with somebody. Leaving the forest, for example.
Yet here I am, at another crossroads. This time though, I'm alone. I'm scared, indecisive. I'm not supposed to be the indecisive one, that was Rika's job. But she's gone.
So, what do I do? What can I do?
Out Of Lead
· Thu Mar 22, 2012 @ 09:43pm · 0 Comments