Feeling pretty mellow right now...on the other hand I have been feeling really tired lately.
Not a feeling I like very much either.
On another note I feel like I'm going back to the years and I'm like ******** I wish it was like that right now in 2012 lawls. I was smiling at you for so long that I made myself cry while typing out that entry.
Hmm I really do need to get back into doing things around gaia maybe give myself something to focus on.
Hahaha I'm way to into love/relationship songs at the moment. GRRR and I'm not even in a relationship with someone. I need something that gets my focus off liking someone because if I don't it's going to drive me more insane and I'm just hurting myself more. I sorta feel like it's 50 on the one side of not staying in my life and the other 50 part of it is eh that person is staying in my life. I feel like some of my past is coming back in 2012 hehe going back I guess.
I guess I got to see how it would look through someone else's eyes what I had with Joe. Because Alyce was creeping on me and Joe when him and I were hugging and kissing out in front of my house and his truck. It's like I'd give anything to have that kind of relationship again with someone. I guess all I'm looking for is to be close and secure with someone. Who knows that I'm there's and only there's to be that one person that I can be everything with and everything I'm not. I want to be held that way again. It's not easy to get those kinds of feelings back...ah s**t I'm kind of making myself cry now. I thought all my tears were gone over this matter but I guess not. Part of me is starting to ask why you invited me over that day...if I asked you now would you answer that question?
Eh for now being single is like pretty much great and not so great. But I think it's also like I get the time to do whatever the hell I want...I don't have to worry about royally screwing things up with people. (But then again) I sorta feel like i'm just shutting myself off from the world at the moment... back to random ranting about being single. Any who it's like there's so much more freedom and not always wanting to hang out with the person you like or want to be with. No emotional issues. On the other hand it really makes you miss being with someone like cuddling and holding their hand things like that.
I believe boyfriends and girlfriends take the boredom out of your life but I guess that's something I have a tough time finding. It's like the hype is there in the beginning but then it slowly disappears which is just like grrr.
Some of my inspiration for writing is gone Jacob really inspired me for a bit.
Bahaha to be honest sometimes I like dropping off the face of the earth because I can reconnect with myself or just give myself some peace and quiet and not deal with people. Bahaha on the other hand I don't like rejoining the world either but have to at some point.
Either way right now I'm pretty content =)
Ahaha so my little sister Maddie walks into my room and asks me what I'm doing and watching then walks out lawls.
Also forgot to say that it's been awhile since I've written a long entry about my feelings and what's going on with me.
· Sun Mar 18, 2012 @ 10:13am · 0 Comments