Tonight was, er, interesting. I don't remember the last time my dad was so drunk. And he was an angry drunk which isn't like him. He's usually just argumentative. I was zomging and heard food being dumped into the dog's dish so I said that she'd already been fed. I got up to tell him again because he didn't hear me and he got so pissed. He yelled at me for a bit and holy crap. He was angry.
He got upset that there was dishes to do and made a big deal about starting them. I told him I could do them and he yelled at me some more and started running water. He just stood there staring at me. More yelling. I never thought I'd say this, but I was honestly half-afraid he was going to hit me. He has never hit me before. He was just so... enraged. I knew I was a disappointment. I'm afraid of what's going to happen when he finds out about what's going on with school. He kept slamming doors and I felt stupid for flinching every time. I don't think I stopped shaking until he staggered out to the garage.
Woman and I had a long talk while I did dishes. I found out some things. My dad always stresses to me that they're just friends. Turns out he doesn't see her that way. He keeps asking her, "Why can't you see me like I see you?" She tells him straightup that it's because of his drinking. She doesn't want to feel like that about someone and have to bury them five years later.
He's told her that I don't care that my mom died. That I don't have any feelings about it. That hurt. A lot. I told her, "That's bullshit."
I told her about some of my friends online. I told her about Jason, Lizzy, Pj, and Valry. I told her a bit about Gaia. I don't like her a ton but I'm probably closer to her than I am to my dad. My dad doesn't know much about my friends. He knows I have a friend named Jason who I call Katie and he knows I adore a girl named Lizzy in Texas. He knows I'm on Skype calls at weird times of the night. I think he assumes all my friends are in Europe.
He got upset with me for wanting to carry the food in from the grill because he was staggering. Ten feet later he fell over and he fell going up the stairs in the house and hit his head on the cabinets.
So much yelling was going on tonight, almost all of it him.
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