The other day I had another reminder of just how much things have changed. I was friends with the Clovers for so long. They all knew everything about me, they all knew what my life was like. They knew about my cutting, when I was being emo, they knew all about my pets. They definitely knew what my home life and family was like. They knew about Shawn and how I know the truth about what happened to him. They also knew every little habit and detail about my parents, particularly my mother, that bothered me.
I guess I sort of just got used to my friends knowing all about her so I thought nothing of summarizing something as 'my mom's bullshit'. Oh. Hey. Right. The people I talk to now... They don't know my mother. I was just getting to know these people when we were in and out of the hospitals and funeral home. All they know of my mother is that I took care of her when she was at home and I don't know how many remember or know or care what she died from. They don't know what she was like or anything.
I know it should've been obvious but it still struck me. My friends on here, the majority of them, don't know my past. I think most of the close friends know about my self-harm (which I quit um, a month and a half ago now, though I was very tempted tonight) and I think most of them know about my dislike towards my dad. This may be the 39 hours without sleep talking, but realizing this made me feel so so grateful to have all of you guys in my life. <3
Even if we don't talk often or crew often, I love all of you so much. Thank you for being a part of this next chapter of my life.
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