Why do I still have to love you.. still feel so strongly, that when I try to talk about you the way they want me to I just want to cry.... When I try to rant to feel better my voice is just so.. shaky.. I tear up.. And can't say anything bad... I just want to be with you.. Hold you tight and never let you go again. And I hate myself for it.
I keep trying to hurt myself.. Keep trying to do bad things.. Keep trying to push people away, or get people into a trap and do something so horrible I could never forgive myself.
I don't want to be this person anymore.. I don't want to feel the things i feel anymore... I wish there was someone that could help me, but.. all I want is you.. you are the only person that is ever able to make me stop. the only one that keeps me from hurting myself.. why.. ********.. why am I like this?

Why do I still fight for you and want to be with you?