Hurting.. hurt hurt hurt so bad.. Why do I have to still love like I do? Why do I have to love at all... ******** hurts.. All of it, it always hurts me in the end, and do any of them remember or even care? ******** you heart, ******** you and all my damn feelings... I can't stand people, not at all... Why did I ever even bother? I never wanted to love damnit.. ******** everything it hurts to bad.. Only 2 relationships have I cherished, and I can't have ether back, can I? .. I would love to be with ether of them again though.. can't get you out of my head and it just keeps hurting.. ******** stupid reason to break up, I say... not at the same school, ********.... and this one, we may as well have broke up a year ans a half or more ago... I lost my new shine and became nothing.. Guh.. feel like my inards are being torn appart.. I need somewhere to go.. but there is no where,, is there? Oh well... I am tired of being nothing.. I want to be something important for once, but all I am is a no body. I just don't know what to do with myself.. And it hurts.. I actually was doing well with my last two relationships.. the first of the two may have even been better in a way, seeing as how his mom actually really liked me, or seemed to.. we had been friends for a few years too, he made me smile and feel good about myself. we seemed to be perfectly happy. I really loved him.. then he broke up with me because we were going to diffrent schools for high school.. First damn person I cried over. ********.. i felt so damn girly.... But i did love him.
Next was the one I just lost.. And I didn't even seem to have a choice with it. I fell in love when I met her.. And, we were happy. She could make me blush like nothing at first, and she did, as often as she could. At firs we didn't want people to know we were together, so we hid it, but then.. we let people know, and we were so happy.. I would sneak over to her house so much, and it was amazing. I had never been more happy... But, the light only lasted a very short time. then the drama came, and there was a lot of it.. so much pain and anger and hate. I had never felt hate like that before.... so man people I suddenly hated with all my being. But, we were still happy, or so I thought. She was dating another on the side for a few months, on of the people I hated most. The one that hurt her the most... I don't know why I didn't just leave then.. But i stayed. and I pomised I would never leave, looks like I lied... Though, not entirly. I still love her and will be there for her all I can. At least the one who hurt her is out of the picture, sort of.. Not hurting her as far as I know.
I have liked other people though, but that is un important.. Sort of.. I don't see why i let my heart do everything it has done. it always seems to be wrong. .. acording to my palm, I am supposed to meet my soul mate. I wonder if I will let myself know when I do. Or if I already have.. no idea..
Guh... ******** you world, heart, feelings, emotions... All of it. I am don with it all.. I want to make something of myself, but it is so hard...
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