I find the rhythm hard to follow.
My heart shudders and tries to compete.
But frail and weak it is. I shut down.
The light fades, and darkness consumes me.
Risen from my chest the numbness is all I feel.
How could all of this suffering and pain stay hidden.
My eyes has shield me from my mental distress.
Now it's coming down on me.
Like a thousand bricks, wanting to crush me.
What fool am I, to play the role of a happy person?
I'm on the verge of tears. I haven't cried in two years.
This is the world, darkness is taking over.
And light is pushed away.
Such a hypocrite, I am. I just can't help it.
I hide my pain in poems and music.
Will someone notice? I don't know.
Would it help if they did? I highly doubt it.
This is the battle within myself.
And I am losing terribly.
But all is fine, I need to feel pain every once in awhile.
Its what makes me human, a person. A teenage girl.
Agliophobia can't protect me from that.
In fact I wish I could fast forward.
Only if my life had that kind of control.
I can't cut myself, for a fear to bleed to death.
I can't not breathe, for a fear of not waking up.
I can't chew myself out, for a fear of not rebounding.
What is it I'm doing now?
I'm taking depression to a whole new level.
I feel the need to suffer, to hurt, to cry.
It's been bottled up and I don't want to let go.
My drug, maybe?
Either way, now I'll doubt myself.
I'll never be the same person I was.
I've seen what has happened to me, and I won't go back.
This is my depression.
Hidden beneath the surface, black and dark.
Tar from the inner heart.
I'm not the person you believe I am.
Nor am I the person I thought I was...
· Wed Nov 23, 2011 @ 03:14am · 0 Comments