I want to talk to you so bad. But it feels as if you've forgotten. That you've moved on, made great friends, and just put the past behind you. Why would I want to ruin your life by digging the past up and ruining it? I just want someone I can talk to and they understand what I'm going through and saying. I want an ear to whisper all my secrets to and a shoulder to cry on. I want my best friend back. I want to tell you that I'm returning to my old ways. I'm eating less and less but nobody seems to notice like you did. I'm wearing long sleeves or sweatshirts even in the heat to cover my arms. I'm crying in the shower again. I want to disappear. Live a new life. One void of pain and emptiness. I want my best friend back so I can have someone talk sense into me again. I miss you, come back? Please?
When my brother got into college and told you he had already decided that he wanted to study Math, you were so proud of him. He was taking after you, going into the sciences and math. When I got accepted into the school I wanted to go to, you asked me what I planned on studying. I told you, I had no idea and that I was just going to dabble in a few different things till I found what I wanted. Mom supported me, but because I didn't have a set plan, you couldn't. That hurt. So end of my first semester, I declared my major. Theatre. I know how hard it is to plan on having my life focused around something that's so unpredictable and something that's slowly dying in the US. You didn't support me, encourage me in my decision, you just brushed it off and didn't mention it again. That hurt even more. To know that my father didn't support my decision on what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I love you, you're my dad. I will always love you, but I don't think that I will ever be able to forget that you couldn't support me in the biggest decision of my life and it's something I will never be able to forgive....
I've been trying to forget. Forget every moment I spent with you. Every smile you gave me. The feel of your fingers between mine. You rubbing my back that one day I wasn't feeling good. Funny thing is... Before, I had all these memories locked up in a tiny box and pushed to the back of my mind, almost forgotten about. I was so close to being able to move on and I thought I had... But I guess I was wrong. I want to hate you, just to make it easier, but I can't, so I won't. I'm sorry. Sorry for being afraid and running away. Have a good life.
Orgasmic Dreams · Sun Sep 04, 2011 @ 01:33am · 0 Comments |