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When no one is looking

Or when I can't feel anyone

The times I feel everything

And times numb is all I feel

I walk around in heels

Stripper heels, make-up, and music.

I look at myself

The way dogs look at steaks

Desire. Lust. Animal instincts.

Every cell, feeling more alive.

It's not painful at first

Like walking onto a frozen lake

Only when you stop do you drown

Everything becomes so horrifyingly

normal

Normal again

( with them off )

After everything,

pulled back to the routine

My body quivers and shakes

My ears ring and deafen all noises

The ground is soft

not at all how I feel

so alive

But, my energy is spent

I awake as a new woman-

to live over and over again.

An immortal life, alone.

Never ending, always just beginning.