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im leaving the ******** net and all these bullshit lairs of so called men and getting my life in order if i dont die from the pain that man i loved and was willing to do anything for just gave me then well it will be a miricle because right now my chest it urtign so bad i just dont know every guy is the same they lie and when i finaly decide to trust someone i get stabed and each time it hurts worse and worse but he just doesnt know i told him i love him and thought he knew just how much i guess i was wrong to think somone would except my love i envy the people that stay in love for so long they die that way old and grey but this day my heart breaks a little more because in my heart i was thinking of forever and that finaly i would be able to repair my heart and get the love ive never recieved from anyone not my mom not my dad and diffenantly not my family no not anyone not even my friend or boy friends i can say without a doubt that that the ONLY people who cared were most likely my foster family that i was with last year thy were the cloest thing that i have had to having a real family and i treasured every moment with them and realy i tried my best because their love and care was real and is made me want to do better but nothing ever lasts in my ******** up life and i was ripped away and now i feel soul less dead inside and when i meet alex i saw a spark of hope that i could help him and in return i could repair mysef but like all the rest it wasnt mad to last he was my perfect guy in a nut shell he was everything i could have wanted and everything i hoped for but once again i end up here in my room curled up sobing like a baby oh well they never care do they? those animals called men....... im just gonna go to sleep and hope i never wake up for my dreams are the only escape i have from the life i want to kill down