I don't know why I didn't bother to say anything. I just didn't say anything. I wanted to but.. he didn't want to hear it. I knew he wouldn't want to hear it, not after saying I've always wanted to go.
But I was thinking. I was going to use him just to go to the Military Ball. Use him as a doll for my own selfish needs. This was my chance to leave this God forsaken hut of emptiness to have fun with my friends!
I have sinned in the mind of Envy, seeing the joy in my friends eyes when they spoke of this. Would I choose?
In the middle of this, Chris spoke to me about his plans on asking my mother I was very hesitant. Not because of my mother. Becuase of Him. He would not approve. And I thought. No. I'm not going to let this happen again. Not this time.
Now seeing that Chris was hurt yet again of my words. I am not able to take anything back. I can't say "I've always wanted to go" and see him turn away then suddenly rewind and say something else.
I am furious at myself for not thinking about my words before blurting them out. I should of thought about his sensitivity before saying something so idiotic, selfish, and foolish. God, I am in deep need of guidance. Ayúdame. Por favor.
This time, I really am in this large clump of doubt if I will remain as Merannie Velez Rodriguez.
· Sat Oct 30, 2010 @ 05:56am · 0 Comments