I haven't written for a long time, but that's because I don't write poems so much anymore. I've found a new more efficiant way to throw my emotions out. Drawing. I draw now. Drawings of mostly people who are feelings one specicifc emotion.
I drew a picture of the female counter part of Death himself with a scythe hovering above her. Her eyes are those of pure hatred and loathing. Then, I drew one shortly after of a girl on her knees in a white gown. She had her head down and was broken hearted from being dumped on her wedding day. Soon I plan on drawing a picture of a girl with an arrow in her heart.
All I know when I draw is before and after. I never remember the middle, while I'm actually focused. I go into this place of pure nothingness. A cool, dark, nothingness. It's not lonely. It's peacefull. Every line I draw protrays a different piece of one emotion. I draw with the emotion that I'm feeling at the time.
A drawing has so much more to offer for me than poems do. I prefer to stare at lines that contour to make pictures reather than lines that contour together to make words.
But I'm doing so much better now. I'm not depressed anymore. I have new things to deal with. Things of my choice.
Also new in my life, I have a new love. He lives 3 houses down from me and he goes to the same school I do. I first met him 2 years ago. We dated for 2 months. Then I made the biggest mistake of my life and broke up with him. Then he moved. But now he's back and we hooked up right when he came back. We've been together for 1.5 months now and I've never been happier. His name is Ben.
Ben is 6 feet 7 inches tall. He's native American indian. His skin is soft and a light brown color. It matches his eyes. He had a full head of thick black hair that's just long enough for me to run my fingers through without getting it caught and pulling it. His lips and full and soft and he's a damn good kisser. I've never kissed anyone as good as him. His hands are so comfortable. They have a comforting feeling about them. When ever he holds me, I feel as if nothing could ever go wrong again. He's the best thing to ever happen to me. I'd be lost without him. I love him, and this time it's real.
Ben is such a sweety. He's not big on PDA(public displays of affection), but when we're alone together, he's the sweetest person I've ever known. He actually likes to cuddle. Most guys will only cuddle just to make their girl happy. He actually likes cuddeling with me. Our relationship is sweet and simple, but then again it's confusing and complex but in a good and simple way. ... Now that I'm done being confusing...
But my Benny has a bad side. He's been arrested twice. Once for cerfew and again for possesion of Marijuana. Because of that, he was put in Lock Up for 1.5 years. He's always getting detentions in school and he's gotten quite a few In School Suspentions as well. But he's still my sweet heart. I can be myself with him and I don't have to worry about covering things up around him.
Well, needless to say, my life has changed. Changed for the better. I've found an alternative way to show my feelings and the love of my life loves me for who I am. I've got A New Life. I've got A New Love.
Evil Black Swan
· Sat Mar 11, 2006 @ 10:23pm · 3 Comments