My mind has been trying to divide itself into two. On the one side its like...my mind is ready to blow like a bomb. It is filled with rage and confusion. It has anger within it.
Every morning, I cannot do even the simplest of chores. Yes, you heard me. I cannot make my bed, brush my hair, or brush my teeth at that time of the day. Why? I have no clue. People have tried to tell me that it is easy to do as long as I try to make a habit out of it. Some people have said don't think about what you have to do, just do the stuff you have to do. And some people said, "Oh who cares?" I even went as far as to try out a pathetic schedule, which never worked out. I put up posters too that are so simply put that it should be easy for me to do. But is it? Nope!
I suppose my heart is too sad on the inside to even care. I mean, heck, this world is already filled with people who don't care. Just look at all those individuals who think the word ******** is funny if its said every second word.
Okay, I suppose I am exaggerating a little bit, but I think you get my point. People put graffiti on walls. Like, they totally forgot what their parents have told them as kids not to write on the walls. And if the parents that did tell them that and were abusive about it... then graffiti happens because it is a way of revenge... just like how I have been feeling lately about chores the simplest ones.
It is as if my mind has been abused when doing those chores. Now you are thinking , "How in the ******** can your mind be abused that way?" See? I am trying to say the F Bomb like you people use it.It doesn't sound too nice does it?
Well, if someone repeats something over and over and over again, it gets annoying... well, that is how I felt about chores. Those three in particular and... one more personal one. I don't wipe after going pee.
Again, you are thinking why don't you? I have to shrug as my answer. It isn't that I know that if I don't I can get some sort of disease. Well, if that were true then I would have a diseased p***y long ago. So, it isn't true.
Terry in spirit form has tried to tell me that wiping my p***y can be a form of pleasure. Well, in a way he is right. It can be. But still... it isn't long before that point goes away especially during my "monthly visitor".
I guess the simple answer is I just don't.
It may seem obvious now as to why I have yet to find a love of my life. Yeah, you are thinking, "Because you are just gross."
Well, has someone been brave enough to try, as someone who wants to be mine forever that isn't a relative to help me get my mind on straight? To give me reasons why I should wipe my p***y after going pee? Or... to brush my teeth... or to brush my hair? As of yet... the answer is no.
I suppose if I had a wish... then that would be it because... if that were to happen, then both my loneliness that I feel and the problems with chores would be over. I also suppose that perhaps that is what my dreams have been trying to tell me.
If only...if only my wishes could be granted.
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