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So, first they had Tin Man, a revision of L Frank Baum’s “Oz” series. Next, they had “Alice,” based on Lewis Caroll’s “Alice” series. Which I think was actually only two books. Whatever.

I didn’t really see any of Tin Man, and I only paid half attention to Alice, but I think I can see where the next step should be.

Peter Pan.

Only instead of a boy who flies, fights pirates, and never grows up… he’s a starpilot, taking down aliens.

Captain Hook is the leader of these Space Pirates. He has four arms, but one is missing a hand because Peter threw it into a Black Hole. This black hole now inexplicably follows Hook’s ship everywhere, and devours every planet the Pirates have raided (after they leave, of course).

tinkerBELL is Peter’s sentient minicomputer. Not a nanomachine, just a small little floating robot that glows.

Wendy, John, and Michael are fugitives from the Earth who Peter must protect from the Pirates as they attempt to reach their parents on the colony ship from England. All in hopes to get to the Earth Colony, dubbed “Neverland.”

Am I missing anything? How else can our childhood be raped?

Ah, yes. The Mermaids are actually energy-based lifeforms who live in the depths of space. The Indians are a more peaceful alien race who offer Peter and his crew (The Lost Boys) a safe haven. Until the Space Pirates come and kidnap Tiger Lily, an otherwise a**-kicking martial arts chick who was adopted by these aliens.

In the end, Peter must fight the Captain once more, as he attempts to throw Peter himself into the very black hole where Hook lost his hand!

(And yet, it sounds kinda awesome.)

Siffee, call me and we’ll do lunch. I’ve also got a treatment for Goldilocks and the Three Bears.