Don’t Tempt Fate
Ever have one of those “lay around and relax” days? Yeah, well that’s what today was supposed to be.
Now, I don’t ask for much. Actually, I can’t recall ever asking for anything one would consider “selfish.” I ask that people get along, that friends help one another, and on occasion I’ll ask a fellow “man” to help his “brother.” Sure, I’ve told people to get the hell out of my way before, but that’s TELLING them, there is no asking to it.
That comes with the job description. It’s what Healers do, we help people. We love to help people… or at least, that’s what we tell everyone to their face. But every now and again we need a little down time. Just a little peace and quiet to refresh the mind and cleanse the soul and to keep us from killing people…
Seriously, if you had to deal with some of the morons we Healers come across, you’d either pull your hair out or shoot them… And personally? I like my hair.
And yes, you guessed it, I’m a red head and proud of it! So everyone knows when they see me coming not to give me any lip. Well, smart people at least, but I’m sure we’ve already touched on this subject recently. Let’s move on.
Today was supposed to be a relaxation day for me. I was going to go down to my favorite spot in the forest and just sit by the river and watch the fish swim by…
Mmmmm, fish…
Huh? Oh, right! I’m a cat person by the way… No, not a person that likes cats, I am a humanoid cat. You know, one of those people with the cute cat ears, tail, and claws at the end of their fingers rather than a human’s lovely nails? Yeah, THAT kind of cat person. But don’t get me wrong, I’m as lovely as any human and WAY more popular.
I don’t know why, but males seem to love my species. Doesn’t bother me one bit though, because it helps me get my way more often than not. But I digress; we were talking about my day off right?
Sadly, with friends like mine, there is no such thing as “peace and quiet”. You know that saying, “With friends like you, I don’t need enemies.” That phrase crosses my mind more often than not when I hang around these guys.
“Hey Lightterra!”
Yeah, that’s my name by the way. Wasn’t sure if I’d be a White Mage or an Earth Mage so… I kind of got stuck with a name that is a combination of both. Not that I’m complaining, I think it suits me rather well. It let’s people know that even though I’m a Healer, I’m not against being the cause of their injuries.
Hey, just because I don’t ask for anything “selfish” and like to help people, most of the time, doesn’t make me an angel! I’ve had plenty of moments where people would choose hell over my wrath…
And hence why I ended up with friends like mine. Karma is a b***h, let me tell you!
“Hey Lightterra! Are you listening?”
“And if I’m not?” I just had to ask, curiosity is in my nature after all.
“Then he’ll yell louder, and none of us want that.” Ah, the voice of reason in the group.
Magistrite. Strong, handsome, level headed, and the best damn Scholar out there. But don’t let his book smarts fool you, his magic is second to none… well, for his class at least.
BoomBoom and I are probably the most powerful magic wise, but that’s because our jobs allow us more magic power than others. Me being a Healer, or White Mage class, and BoomBoom being our Black Mage…
And yes, you heard me right, his name is BoomBoom. Bet you can’t guess what his favorite pastime is!
“You’ll never guess what You thought of for us to do!”
Tank. Best Warrior I know, but the man is dumber than a box of rocks and charges into everything without thinking… He makes a great Meat Shield though! But… wait, did he just say that I thought of something for us to do? Oh hell no, this is my day off!
“I didn’t think of anything for us to do, this is supposed to be my day off after all…” In fact, if I HAD thought of something for us to do, it would be THEM doing it… Far away from me… So I can get some peace and quiet for once.
“No, not YOU, You.” Tank was pointing toward the shady man leaning against a tree a few feet away.
Right. You, our group’s “Thief.” Honestly, I believe he changed his name just to piss people off. Know how annoying it is to talk about a guy named You? It gets pretty confusing, to say the least.
I watch as You comes out from the shadows of the tree. The guy loves shadows and, considering his race, I can understand.
Oh great. He’s grinning and that always makes me want to run. Besides the obvious fact that his grin means trouble, have you ever seen a Drow smile? With skin darker than the night, all you see is teeth!
Or so it seems.
True, his hair is white. Oh, and there is the white of his eyes, sure, but his teeth REALLY stand out.
Especially his fangs.
Now, don’t ask me if all Drows have fangs. Drow, or Dark Elves, love the night and, quite frankly, You is the only one I’ve seen in the light of day… He must have rabies or something…
“You’re thinking mean thoughts about me again. I can see it in your eyes.” You points out to me and I have to roll said eyes.
Cat eyes might be expressive, but they are just about as readable as a poker face. Just because they seem to be showing an expression doesn’t mean that’s what they are feeling. Cat eyes are very unpredictable, much like the creatures that possess them.
But in this case… I’ll let him know that he was right.
“You mean I wasn’t saying it aloud? Damn. Well, let me catch you up to speed. I was thinking you’re a…”
“That’s quite alright.” Yuna is a sweetheart, always trying to keep peace in our group.
A peace that You and I seem determined to interrupt… Yuna really has his work cut out for him.
Oh, right… Don’t let Yuna’s name and feminine appearance fool you, he’s definitely a male. In fact, all my friends are guys. It’s no wonder I have to act tough all the time, I’m the only female around. Though, sadly, our lovely Summoner acts more feminine than I do.
Though it makes for some good laughs, that’s for sure! Usually at Yuna’s expense but, eh… We’re usually laughing with him, so it’s all good.
Speaking of good, wasn’t this supposed to be a good day for me? Right, now that I know who the culprit is I’m going to dig for information and, hopefully, get out of this outing he’s planned for the group.
“Okay, so you’ve gathered us together… why?” I’m not going to be nice about it, if that’s what you were thinking. Heh, that is so not in my nature.
“I want to kill a god.”
“You want to WHAT?!” My initial reaction, no thinking needed on this one.
“Kill a god. Come on, there is tons of rewards to be had! Know how much money we’ll make?”
Leave it to the Thief to think only about the money. Not the fact that it’s morally wrong. Nope, that thought didn’t cross his mind at all, I’m sure. And the fact that it’s dangerous? Oh, he probably thought about it… until someone told him how much the “rewards” were.
“You guys can’t possibly be serious.” Magistrite, the voice of reason, might as well have been talking to a wall.
“We can do it!” Tank, always one to charge in before thinking.
“Can I blow stuff up?” BoomBoom, with his favorite pastime in mind.
“I have to protect them.” Yuna should have been the Healer. Honestly, he is so caring and gentle, he’s like an angel.
I might care, but being caring and gentle? Yeah, so not my style; again, I’m not against being the CAUSE of the injuries here.
“Think of all the money we’ll make.” And that’s what got us into this mess in the first place.
I look at Magistrite, the only one that seems on my side here, and shake my head.
“We’re surrounded by idiots.” I state and he merely nods in agreement.
~*~*~*~
A few hours later we are geared up and find ourselves at the summit of Suzaku’s peak. The trek was long and dangerous…
Okay, I’m exaggerating. The trek wasn’t really all that long, and under normal circumstances it’s not really dangerous, but… I got lost!
Yeah, they chose the curviest, most complex path to take that has so many twist, turns, and forks in the road it isn’t even funny and guess what? I’m Directionally Challenged!
Don’t know what Directionally Challenged means? Well, you know those people that can’t find their way out of a paper bag? Or the people from “Wrong Turn” that, quite literally, took a wrong turn? Yeah, those are two Classic examples of people who are Directionally Challenged.
I just happen to be the “Wrong Turn” kind of Directionally Challenged. Add in the fact that I’m a red head with attitude, and me being accident-prone?
Remember how I said that the trek isn’t dangerous under NORMAL circumstances? Well, too bad for my friends that I’m anything but normal, huh?
Know what, I don’t EVEN want to talk about what happened. I’ll look back on it one day and laugh, but for right now? Yeah, that’s a story I’ll save to tell the kids… Should I ever live long enough to have children of my own. I don’t know. With a missions like this, the possibility of that happening is not good…
Oops, back to the story at hand… So, a few hours later we are geared up and find ourselves at the summit of Suzaku's peak, right?
Now, in all honesty, I'm wondering why I'm here. This is one of the "Four Gods" of Japanese folklore and I'm beginning to wonder if our suicidal leader did his research. After all, last time I checked Suzaku was a huge a** firebird. And besides BoomBoom's water and ice spells, we aren't equipped to fight a giant flaming bird...
Great. Now my mind is in the gutter. And standing here wondering if a flaming bird god is gay probably isn't good for my health.
Note to Self: Refrain from using the word "Flaming."
"Light, are you paying attention?"
I turn to look at our "beloved" leader and raise an eyebrow.
"Did YOU pay attention, You?" I question.
Don't get me wrong, these are my friends and I love them dearly BUT... I also know from experience that we are all an accident waiting to happen. The only difference between me and the others? I usually avoid situations that can end badly.
Like this one for instance!
"Of course I did. We are taking on Seriyou, the Dragon god that has a mountain of gold." You states as he points at the mountain we are standing on. "This is the mountain."
"..."
Have I mentioned that our group lacks common sense? Yeah... Book smarts, we are pretty good there. But common sense? Don't count on it. And in this case, I wouldn't count on the book smarts thing either.
"You... Seriyou lives in a cave in the Kavorkay Canyon. We are standing on Syennia Mountain, which is commonly referred to as "Suzaku's Peak." Now, I might be Directionally Challenged, but I'm pretty good at geography and geographically speaking... YOU screwed up."
At this point I've already decided we might as well stick our heads between ours legs and kiss our asses good-bye; unless, of course, we do the smart thing now and get the hell out of here. But, judging from how our infamous leader is standing, I doubt that's going to happen.
He's posing, which means he's about to spout off some several hours long "motivational" speech to talk us into doing something stupid... which he does often. Sad thing is, we usually do it just to shut him up. Not only that, but I wonder if he’s figured out yet that I can sleep standing up?
As arrogant as he is, he probably hasn’t. Dumbass. He probably thinks that I’m closing my eyes and enjoying his voice while “taking it all in.”
That could be taken in so many ways… crap. Mind in the gutter again. But in all seriousness? I think it STAYS in the gutter…
Makes life more interesting that way though.
Whoops! I had been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t realized You had started his speech. Now, I have two options at this point. I could either listen in, or…
“RAAAWWWW.”
Hmmm… Now, I’m no expert, but if I’m not mistaken that was the screech of a giant firebird. I look to my left and, sure enough, I see Suzaku is heading our way. And boy does he look pissed.
'Damn, I hate when I'm right.'
"Get in your battle stations everyone!" You calls out and everyone just looks at him.
First sign that you're royally screwed? Your leader calls out "get in your battle stations everyone" and you don't HAVE battle stations. Hell, we don't even have a battle strategy!
Note to self: Kill You later.
And I will! One day. But not today. Kind of need the idiot to keep me alive. Even if said idiot is the cause of all this.
"BoomBoom, drown his a**. Yuna, summon your water serpent. Tank, shield the mages. You, do something useful. Magistrite, do your thing!"
There, I've given them a strategy. See, I'm a good Healer. I go above and beyond the call of duty to keep them alive... Oh s**t.
I watch as Tank dies from one massive attack from Suzaku. One-shotted, how embarrassing. Well, looks like we are down a Warrior, so I have to go Laura Croft on the bird now or something.
"Take this you Overgrown Roast Turkey!" I yell as I proceed to beat the bird god...
With a stick.
Okay, so not my best idea.... BUT, the bird is shaking! ... From laughter, yes, but he's shaking damn it!
"Light, your staff's on fire!" BoomBoom cries and I roll my eyes.
Well duh. Stick + Fire = ... Oh no, he didn't...
I sigh because the next thing I know, I'm dead. I saw a wall of water heading my way and that was it; now I'm face down in the dirt.
Well, I take that back. My body is face down in the dirt and I'm looking down at it. Being a spirit is weird, but at least I get to sit back and enjoy the show... Which consists of everyone getting their butts handed to them by a giant bird god. Yeah, this is going to be amusing.
Actually, not everyone is going to die. Magistrite and Yuna are using enchanted items to teleport out of here. And I don't blame them. I told them all a long time ago that if I fall, run for it!
Granted, I never expected to be done in by my own teammate... Way to go BoomBoom... but the rule still stands. I'm down, so everyone needs to get out of there.
Flames shoot out of Suzaku's massive beak and surround BoomBoom and I. I'm unaffected though, I'm already dead after all. BoomBoom, on the other hand, is a crispy critter.
Payback is a b***h.
"Wha... what happened?" BoomBoom's spirit asks as he looks around.
"Nothing much, Suzaku was just doing me a little favor." I reply with a sweet smile.
"A favor? What? How so?" He looks seriously confused and that amuzes me to no end.
"Well, I've always wondered if a spirit can kick another spirit's a**... and now I have a chance to find out!" I reply happily and BoomBoom nods, then he freezes when what I said sinks in.
"Huh?"
"Come here!" I growl and go after him.
A few minutes later BoomBoom's spirit lies in a broken heap next to me, twitching from time to time, and I am watching the battle...
Okay, so it's not really a battle anymore. Now it's just Suzaku toying with You and playing with him. It's really quite entertaining to watch. The funny part is, You thinks he can stand a chance against the god.
"Come on, you can do better than that!"
And the Firebird god did. He roasted You like there was no tomorrow and I'm on the ground laughing. Come on, that's funny! You, literally, asked for it and you know what they say, "Ask and you shall receive."
"Dumbass." I laugh and shake my head as I log out.
I stare at the glowing computer screen and just smile. "Hope You learned a lesson." I laugh lightly. "Don't tempt fate."
T H E . E N D
A/N: This is my entry for the Famous Last Words Writing Contest... It was super fun! 4laugh Hope you enjoy 4laugh
