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All credit for the creation of Uke Survival 101 goes to the ladies at Dangerous Pleasure Scanlation Group, who can be found here: www.dpscanlations.deathsvertigo.com

Uke Survival 101

1. Everybody in the entire world has gay inclinations. Have a high school crush on somebody of the same gender? Go ahead, confess! If he doesn’t feel the same way about you already, he’ll soon be swayed by the depth of your feelings.

2. Semes stay hard. Doesn’t matter how many times or how exhausted the uke is, it’s time for the next round.

3. Doctors always do perverted things to their patients. I don’t trust mine anymore.

4. All co-workers are gay for you. The one being friendly? Defiantly. The one ignoring you? Uh-huh. The one who glares at you non-stop? Probably out to rape you. The workplace is a sexually charged environment.

5. High schools are dangerous too. Everyone’s gay for you. Students, teachers, school doctors…only the old cleaning lady might be straight.

6. Don’t trust guys in uniforms, whether their high school, military, or police. Uniforms are a threat to your chastity.

7. Aprons are guaranteed instant-erection makers, even if you’re not into guys. ESPECIALLY if you’re not into guys.

8. Do not pick up any strays. You think you’re being a Good Samaritan, but they’ll refuse to move out, and then you’re stuck with an extra mouth to feed. And oh, and you’ll probably end up discovering you’re gay.

9. Your first love LAST FOREVER. Doesn’t matter if it was ten years ago, you just can’t forget this guy, and you probably never have any other relationships because of it.

10. If you’re a uke, you are destined to blush. A lot. Doesn’t matter how old you are, doesn’t matter how COLD you are, if your seme says anything remotely romantic, if your seme looks at you, if your seme thinks about you, you’re gonna start a full-body blush.

11. All American males, gay, straight, or otherwise, greet each other with a big, passionate smooch on the mouth – it’s just friendly!

12. During a spontaneous bout of sex, ukes are always naked (socks optional), and semes are almost always fully clothed.

13. Women are just pretty office ornaments. Despite the hordes of sexy and cute office ladies around, as long as there are two men working in one department, they'll end up together (boss=seme and subordinate=uke).

14. It is impossible to “Switch it up”. Once a uke, always a uke. Forget ever topping. Semes may love their ukes a LOT, but not enough to bottom.

15. Ukes are world champions on getting teary-eyed (this is, of course, to emphasize a quintessential uke trait: vulnerability).

16. The cure to everything is rape sex. Poor uke has the sniffles? Sex! The uke has a broken leg? Sex! The uke just got raped? SEX! If we could package it and sell it as a cure-all, we could be millionaires.

17. 90% of the male population from 10-40 is gay. The remaining 10% still hasn’t come out.

18. Semes love semen. Every single one of them loves giving their uke a blowjob and guzzling it down. Ukes, on the other hand can’t be expected to dirty themselves like that.