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Chances are, you're reading nonsense that was passed on through an e-mail.
The World According to Student Bloopers
(copied from an e-mail I recieved)
The World According to Student Bloopers

Richard Lederer St. Paul's School

One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.


The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. they lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. the climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Issac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Issac, stole his brother's birthmark. jacob was a partiarch who brought up his twelve sons to be partiarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

Without the Greeks, we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of colums - Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in "The Illiad", by Homer. Homer also wrote the "Oddity", in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were doing.

When they fought the Parisians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.

Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks. History call people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March killed him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyrany who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harlod mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings, and Joan of Arc was cannonized by George Bernard Shaw.

Finally, the magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verse and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. it was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarette. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miquel Cervantes. He wrote "Donkey Hote". The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost." Then his wife dies and he wrote "Paradise Regained."

During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered American while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. later the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and the was called the Pilgrim's Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill rolling their was hoops before them. The indian squabs carried porposies on their back. many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. During the War, Red Coats and paul Revere was throwing guts over stone walls. The dogs were barking and the peococks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War and no longer paid for taxis.

Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, A Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. he invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared "a horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

George Washington married matha Curtis and in due time became the Father of our Country. Then the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, "In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln write the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also signed the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. the believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedl insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

Meanwhile in Eurpose, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called "Candy". Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are fallling off the trees. Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took lang walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. The the Spanish gorrilas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon's flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrainedd. He wanted an heir to inherit his power, but shince Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear him any children.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the british Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. he reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus mcCormick invented the McCormick Raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the "Organ of the Species". Madman Curie discovered Radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.

The First World War, cause by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.






User Comments: [17] [add]
Kaiba
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commentCommented on: Fri Dec 23, 2005 @ 02:14pm
OH MY GOD! smilies/icon_xd.gif smilies/icon_xd.gif smilies/icon_xd.gif smilies/icon_xd.gif smilies/icon_xd.gif This!! This~! It's beautiful! smilies/icon_xd.gif


commentCommented on: Fri Dec 23, 2005 @ 10:41pm
You've killed me Death-chan! You've killed me with laughter! smilies/icon_heart.gif I love you! smilies/icon_xd.gif



Bitchboots
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Getasousaphone
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commentCommented on: Mon Dec 26, 2005 @ 03:39am
*laughs till orange juice comes out her nose*


commentCommented on: Wed Dec 28, 2005 @ 08:48am
^^ smilies/icon_blaugh.gif LMAO!!!! Wow, that was awesome...

P.S. I smilies/icon_heart.gif your siggy, Death T-2



~the Love Goddess
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Lash27
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commentCommented on: Sat Dec 31, 2005 @ 04:43am
I remember reading that on myO. smilies/icon_3nodding.gif Funny stuff, funny stuff....


commentCommented on: Sat Dec 31, 2005 @ 05:50am
*stares*

*twitch*

*snerk* O.< smilies/icon_heart.gif

smilies/icon_rofl.gif

*dies*



Nonchalant Nomad
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Kheprei
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commentCommented on: Sat Jan 07, 2006 @ 07:08pm
The Java throw was sponsored by Starbucks right?


commentCommented on: Mon Jan 30, 2006 @ 11:22pm
Wow... that is one of the funniest things ever...



LavenderMintRose
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Tawny Kunyan
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commentCommented on: Sun Mar 05, 2006 @ 09:43pm
Lovely, lovely!

[gives standing ovation]


commentCommented on: Mon May 01, 2006 @ 03:00am
Oh. My. God.
I haven't snickered so much in a while...
and I'm not talking candy!



Strawberry Pocky Parade
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anciu
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commentCommented on: Sat May 27, 2006 @ 03:33am
smilies/icon_rofl.gif smilies/icon_rofl.gif smilies/icon_rofl.gif smilies/icon_rofl.gif smilies/icon_rofl.gif smilies/icon_rofl.gif smilies/icon_rofl.gif smilies/icon_rofl.gif smilies/icon_rofl.gif smilies/icon_rofl.gif smilies/icon_rofl.gif smilies/icon_rofl.gif smilies/icon_rofl.gif smilies/icon_rofl.gif smilies/icon_rofl.gif
That was SO funnny!!!(*dies of laughter*) smilies/icon_xd.gif smilies/icon_xd.gif I loved that part about 'throwing the biscuit.' One of my friend's classmates once said, "The plural of moose.... is meese." Not quite as funny as yours though smilies/icon_3nodding.gif


commentCommented on: Mon Jun 19, 2006 @ 08:50pm
Oh dear... smilies/icon_rofl.gif You are amazing for posting this.



torrinne
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death!muffins
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commentCommented on: Fri Jul 14, 2006 @ 01:15am
That is wonderful.


commentCommented on: Fri Jul 21, 2006 @ 08:53pm
Certain areas of the desert were cultivated by irritation? Joseph gave refuse to the Israelites? No wonder Ramesees enslaved the Hebrews! Bread with no ingredients? Of course! That's why they needed mana from God! How else were they supposed to play the Venom-Lure combo? Is Cain his brother's son? Were they in Tenessee, Georgia, Mississippi, Alabama, Arkansas, Texas, Louisiana, or Oklahoma? It's almost possible! Of COURSE Penelope was a hardship! What wife isn't? The Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe? Any chance the Great Northern or the Northern Pacific tagged along? Bach, being half German, Italian, AND English, he was indeed VERY large! Franklin died in 1790 and is STILL dead? Whoa! I thought he was a zombie or something, only chasing after women! The McCormick Raper did the work of a hundred men? I guess there was no such thing as a virgin in that time! Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy? I guess nobody's thoughts are safe anymore?


HI-FRICKIN-LARIUS!



notmuch_23
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HaWkGiRL
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commentCommented on: Sat Oct 14, 2006 @ 07:43pm
Roflmao! LOL! LMAO! ROFL! That was...HILARIOUS! I could pinpoint some of the errors. I guess that makes me smart smilies/icon_ninja.gif. That was very genius work though. I can tell it was from a different dimension! I like the part about Lincoln being on the envelope. That really made me laugh!


commentCommented on: Sat Dec 02, 2006 @ 09:16pm
These are great! smilies/icon_rofl.gif



SukikoMaki72
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Killer Rainbows
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commentCommented on: Sat Mar 31, 2007 @ 11:57am
smilies/icon_rofl.gif smilies/icon_rofl.gif smilies/icon_rofl.gif


User Comments: [17] [add]
 
 
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