So, I'm single. My (now ex) girlfriend that I've known for almost a year now and I broke up a few days ago. There were more reasons than one, but I've decided that being in a long distance is too painful, especially when no one knows when or how to be together in person. Lesson learned. : /
I wasn't sure how I was going to react to being alone now, going to bed every night hearing nothing from anyone, waking up knowing that I am living solely for myself. It's a weird blend of feeling good and free and like the world is mine for the taking, and I can do anything I want now...and feeling like I'm horribly alone and why should I even BOTHER doing anything, accompanied by an "I have nothing to lose" crazyness.
I'm trying to do a ton of little things in my life differently, say things I wouldn't usually say, go places I wouldn't normally go...but my mind is threatening to remind me that I'm just going through the motions of life, and something is missing.
It did not help to go on Facebook and see that she posted a new profile pic, she'd gotten a new hairstyle, and like the idiot that I am, KNOWING it would help nothing, I'm like "hurr, I'll just take a glance"...and bam, of course she looks ******** gorgeous, and of course a million things flash through my mind, and yeah...FML.
I don't really know what to do in life now, at all. I could do ANYTHING with my life, but it's hard to know what I want most when I've had all my established dreams, fantasies, and goals just suddenly evaporate. They got flip-turned upside down. (no, I did not get into a fight with some guys who were up to no good, and I don't have to move to Bel-Air, but still).
And lo, there were words......
My musings, random insanity, and tidbits of nonsense, and sense...And every time someone reads one of my entries and doesn't leave a comment, THE TERRORISTS WIN.