Edit: She passed away backi april, i think april 14.
I just got back from south carolina, my brother he graduated and became a marine... and when i came back home i found out my grandma Joyce McNiff.. she has terminal cancer. its all around inside her body. up "herself" all around her stomach, and organs and arteries... and they can't do anything what so ever. i'm pissed and so upset i've been crying for 3 days straight. i'm just not ready for this. i wish she was fine. i've only met her 3 times in my life and got to talk to her on a phone, and letters and that IT. nothing else. I want to see her and hug her so much. I can't take it anymore.
When, and if she passes away before i get to see her again I would wish to see her again. I love her so much. I'm stuck here with the baccari family, and my birth name was McNiff. its on my birth certificate. I miss and love grandma joyce so much. I don't want to lose her. I just recently lost my aunt dolores. and i only got to see her twice. I love her so much, i want to be with my grandmother. I seriously can't take crying anymore. its driving me nuts.
She lost her son about 30 years ago. He died around my age. At i think 17, or 16. I think he was born in 1960.. (I know my mom was in june 27th 1949. she was 11 when he was born.) His name Was Jeffery McNiff. I NEVER got to meet him, not even in spirit. He died in a car crash.
My grandfather, Frank McNiff, Grandma Joyce's husband/ex died from Lung cancer. ITS NOT FAIR!!!!
Joyce's mother, Lela Whiteside she had Breast cancer twice and lost both of her breasts. but lived and died back in 2006. just about almost 100 years old. I only got to talk to her once back when i was in fifth grade when i got to goto california and see them for my first time.
On my dad's side of the family, my aunt pat she has breast cancer... i dunno how she's doing at all right now.
But why, why is this happening to me? I can't stop shaking And crying. I just want her to be fine and the cancer gone. The only thing good about her cancer, grandma joyce's, is that she is not in any pain she just can't bend down. I love her so much this is taking total control over my life. I just... I. I don't want to lose her. not now. I was to see, kiss hug, and be near her again. Please, please if there is a god or some spirit up there, wherever, let me see and talk to her again. I beg of you. Please.
Well this must be sorta... uh... random since it's a journal thingy. I'll probably write about things that are going on in life.