"Hear my heart, wandering inside your mind--I still can’t let you go. Feel my hand, reaching out for you--there’s nowhere I can rest my soul..."
Have you ever...just felt the creed of a Guardian melt between your fingers? Have you ever discovered that there were things about you that you knew weren't common or accepted elsewhere? I know I can never return to my Plane. My heart is so restless because of my fortified creed that I can't stay in anyplace for too long.
"Yet again, somebody is crying all alone--lost in the night.
A trick is played; fate is what we can’t avoid."
« But. Now. We. Have. To. Move. On. »
I never asked to have this. I can say it over and over again but it will never be justified. I didn't want this Crystal, or the burden behind it. I knew bad things would come from this. Still I face forward...still I move on. Because of my fortified creed. I was decieved into taking this Crystal, and it saddened me for so long. I couldn't avoid it, even though I tried. And I tried -so- hard. I was lost, without the love of my family, and alone in a world that would soon alter the rest of my known existance, and perhaps even still afterwards.
"Still I cherish what you gave to me; nothing can take its place. Do you know how trapped I am?"
Sometimes I wonder if I will ever...get out of this vicious cycle. I wonder if these unfortunate events will ever come undone. Life is a perpetual miracle in itself. Every day is something better to look forward to. Every day is a...eye opener. And I only want more of it. I only want...freedom, from this binding. From these shackles, these braces, and not be held back from ANYthing. To taste it, smell it, touch it, hear it, say it. Freedom. FREEDOM!
« Don’t. Leave. Me. Here. Alone. »
I was alone from the start. I think I've always been alone in some aspect. I share my burden; not even Roan knows the full weight of what I carry inside of me. I solely destroyed my entire kingdom, and perhaps many others in the process. I rewrote history in one fail swoop. I eradicated lives from existance and for just one second, I didn't care. My friends, my family, are mere reflections of what I wish to have in the far future when this is said and gone. When I can choose to exist freely, and not be soul-bound to this...leech. To be a Reaper of Broken Lives and destroy those seen unfit to live in this place.
"Don’t you know, there is a beginning in every single pain? Anxiously waiting for the end to come, for it to fade away."
I remember the day my true agony began. It was the same day I had killed my own children. Every day since is a haunting memory that I wish would just...go away. I was married, I had a husband, I had...some normalcy in my life for a change. But even then, all good things must come to an end.
"Now your warmth, all of that is vague for me to touch; your love is faint.
No color there, can you see my hand?"
« It used to reach out for you every day. »
I remember how Pierce reacted, how...scared of me he was. How angry he was, how confused he must have been. To see his...future disappear before his very eyes. Because of my fortified creed, I struggled to reach out, to justify what I had done. But there was no point. He was gone, and so were my life's work. There was blood on my hands, on my face, and scarred upon my mind. The love died, the joy died, everything died inside of me, and those around me. I withdrew.
"Silence catches up on me, there’s no longer a place for me.
Now I’ve reached my destiny."
I've come a long way since these things have occured. It's been years, centuries really. I've...fortified my creed to the fullest extent. I step back to reevaluate myself and the things that have come across. I have no Matreya to protect as was the crystal was meant for. I am no longer an attack dog for OXY. I'm...doing what I wish. Protecting my family, my friends, securing my existance and my future. I'm...on my way towards happiness. I have no more screams, no more tears. I have an enemy to face with ORDER. I'll fight alongside my comrades. I'll see Roan and Julia again. I'll succeed, because of my fortified creed.
« I’m walking for myself. »
· Wed Mar 11, 2009 @ 01:25pm · 0 Comments