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I try... And try... So very hard to relieve myself of these memories...
To stop thinking of her... It is her wish.
But still, I continue to grow insane.
Though I may try to laugh with others.
Though I may smile at gatherings.

No matter how hard I try to be happy, I am not.
These thoughts of her haunt my mind, and do not leave.
I find myself staring off into space, thinking only of her.
Even my dreams never cease to torment me.
How similar it was to the foretelling of this cruel nature..
I dare not even mention her name..
So many cherished memories... yet so many, painful..

I recall waking up, in real life, at approximately 3 AM.
Of course, I'd fall back into my slumber in 5 minutes or so.
When I did so, I found her in my arms.. as I was in hers..
We both wept endlessly on each other's shoulders...
There was no setting. It was just us. Together.
Then, as I opened my eyes, she was gone. I was alone...
Falling to my knees, I screamed her name..
The darkness seemed to loom all around me, closing in..
Then I awoke.. Sweat beads forming around my forehead...
The area surrounding my eyes was damp, as well as my pillow..

There was a second dream... This time, it was all too real..
We'd been talking in the cafeteria. It was a time when we were all happy.
No one was hurt. Everybody laughed together.
She was directly to my right.. Her friends, as well as mine surrounding us.
One by one, her friends began to leave, and I realized how empty the table was.
Of my friends, only 2 remained. Of hers, none.
It didn't seem to matter; we were together. She was happy. So I was.
Then the smile on her angelic face seemed to just disappear.
Not slowly. It just.. broke. There was a solemn, grave look in its place.
She got up from the table, not bothering to kiss me goodbye..
Not even to throw one last glance at me.
Slowly, she walked to her friends, out in the hallway.
My "friends" only laughed at me. Who was she to them?
I jumped up from my chair and ran after her..
I called her name, but to my surprise, there WAS noise..
Contrary to her dreams... I'd spoken her name.. so clearly..
She turned around and threw one last glance at me..
And that was it. I fell on my knees once again..
There was no darkness this time. Only the people... Passing by..
Not one of them seemed to notice the pathetic being on the floor..
I forced myself to look up.. She and her friends were smiling.. laughing...
There was a new face, though... One I'd never seen before..
She called him "brother", but the bond they shared was stronger...
He smiled when he held her, and she smiled in his arms..
Looking back at my friends, they'd already forgotten about me.
As if I'd never existed.

I don't remember waking up.
I do remember staring at my ceiling, thinking..
How hard it was to forget anything..
And how easy it was for her to let go of everything..
Is she really happier now than she was just more than two weeks ago..?
Or even two months? Four?
And yet, though she may be happy.. I'm caught in times of despair..
They call it the "healing process".
They say she's not worth it.
They say I'll forget about her.

But how can this be?
I see her face nearly everyday...
I was always happy to see her, wherever it may have been.
Now, as I look upon her face, my heart stops beating.
My heart grows warm.. but I feel pain..
The warmth is overcome by terrible claws, rending my heart through, over and over..

I must make my decision soon... Will I stay...? or go...?
Does she miss me..? Does she miss anything..?