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"What is hysteria?"
"Crazy"
"Being ... crazy"

NO! WRONG WRONG WRONG! Hysteria is when you are so overcome with an emotion or mix of emotions that your body acts out. Because of our emotions we must instinctually become wild, like animals.

Not many people have felt more than one type of hysteria. Everyone has a different form of acting out the hysteria but the emotions behind them are the same. Most people are only able to feel the hysteria of sadness or greif, whatever you would like to call it. I have been "fortunate" enough to feel three: anger, sadness, and fear. The worst of the three is fear. Sadness you become weak and no need to move or breathe. Surely it is dangerous but less so than fear. Fear you do not feel safe and conflicted with body and mind. Your whole body becomes a battleground. Anger shows a bit of this in that you want to control it but never do you forsake both mind and body. WIthin the anger you truly loose sight of yourself and that is the dangerous part of the wrath hysteria.

I talked to my teacher about the problem. The story we are talking about is going to be extreemly difficult for me to talk in class and discuss with other people. I cannot help but feel hurt or pain because of my own personal relation to the story. Sure, I can still analyze and dig up evidence of the sort but when people assume things to be normal or some of that sort, I must turn inwards. I cannot act out for my emotions get the best of me. She said I don't have to write the essay but I don't want an exception to be made, I just wanted to let her know that I will not be talking much or helping her. I like her as a teacher for the most part and I don't want her to feel like she did something wrong or to worry needlessly about me. I wanted to be strong. I am strong.

Today is Jaime's birthday. I am all done with my classes for the day. My Mythology class was cancelled and so my school day ends at 10:00 am today. Hooray -.- I have nothing to do. I will do my Oceanography and maybe start some midterms.

I feel like I have been screaming in my sleep. I think I'll ask Hannah about it. She was really sweet last night even though it was hard for her. I felt bad but also good in that she was there for me. She didn't ask me to talk and allowed my silence. My stitched mouth. A contorted doll of sorts.