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GtHR I-01
Sai’s Guide to Human Relations ~ Issue I
PART I-1: talking to GIRLS
Talking to a girl can be rather tricky.
Unlike most guys, girls love it when you lie to them, especially about their appearance. To avoid a premature death you should compliment them often and include superficial adjectives such as “beautiful”, “pretty”, and “nice” in your description. Even though this may be false info – do it! You’re likely to get punched otherwise.
Under NO circumstances may you use the words “ugly”, “fat”, “skanky”, or “disgusting” in reference to the woman you are speaking with. (And trust me, this is harder than it seems!!)
Yes, lie to them. It seems to be the only way to get on their good side.
Exceptions: I have noticed that if you accurately describe other women to them (especially those they hate), they are often glad you think as such.
If a girl gets in a fight with another girl over “who’s better looking”, you may comfort her by saying “of course you’re pretty” and then assuring her that the other woman is MUCH more repulsive than herself.
PART I-2: talking to GUYS
When talking to guys one’s own age it’s a good idea to keep your distance.
Most guys have an invisible “personal space” bubble around them. Detecting the size of this feature is key! You MUST NOT invade this private space or you might automatically be labeled as “gay” and / or “trying to feel them up.”
Although guys are less offended by honesty than girls, do not talk about their p***s. It embarrasses them if you point out how virtually non-existent it is. This can also get you punched! Or thought to be gay…
Also, DON’T talk about: fashion, food (preparing of), cleaning, painting, showering, chick-flicks, chocolate, stuffed-animals, board games, the color “pink” or “purple”, design, the color of your curtains, what shapes you can see in clouds, how ugly their girlfriends are, or “how you feel”.
Talking of any of the afore-mentioned things might get you labeled as gay.
… Unless you ARE gay, in which case, please ignore this advice and carry on. J
PART I-3: talking to EITHER SEX
No matter what gender, do NOT talk negatively about someone’s best friend!! Just don’t, it’s not worth it!
Don’t discuss how much they suck or that they will never succeed in life and should quit now…
Don’t spy on them in the bath and then comment directly afterwards.
Don’t treat two people who consider themselves equals differently, especially when both are in the room.
Don’t state random facts you’ve learned from stalking them… or just avoid stalking them if you don’t think you can keep your mouth shut.
Don’t lean over someone of the same gender, they might get the wrong impression and think you’re trying to kiss them (or feel them up). And of you absolutely must, DON’T comment about their breasts / p***s before leaning over them…
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