Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

My last journal entry was in anger.
I don't want to leave in anger, I want to leave in peace.

Gaia has been a lot of things for me, and I honestly can't list them all.
Teacher, friend, escape, playground... The list goes on.

But a lot of things that have been associated with me are bad.
And at this point, I feel like it's easier to start new than to try to redeem myself.
So it's time for me to leave, as Zaeyde.
Zaeyde has been on Gaia for 5 years. She grew, got older, got smarter, had fun, and had her prime.
When she was in her prime, she was awesome. She was amazing.
But then she changed. She left and came back, and when she came back everything had changed.
So she started getting older and more bitter.
And eventually, the Zaeyde that once was wasn't there anymore. Sure, that Zaeyde might have been there under all the callous and ugliness, but no one could see through that.
Even I couldn't see through it.

And I didn't like what Zaeyde had become.

So I made a mule.
And as I started to develop that mule and the character that went with it, I realized that she was everything Zaeyde was before she left.
This new mule is everything I am, without the negativity.
And it's funny. Once I had this new, positive mule, it was easier to make Zaeyde bitter.
And the longer it went on, the more I realized what needed to be done.
This isn't martyrdom. This isn't me giving up. This isn't me being melodramatic or whatever some people may say it is.
This is me knowing when to let go and move on.
So Zaeyde is moving on.

I've donated all my items to a user who I think is doing a really cool thing. Someone referred me to him, and I think he's got a lot of promise.
I want a fresh start on my new account, so I think the best way to do that is to get rid of all my items.
I'm starting fresh.


So Zaeyde is leaving, but I'm not.
I'm still here, just under a different name.
This name's all worn out.

The other name is fresh.
I'd ask you to please not worry about who it is, but if you absolutely cannot live without knowing who I've been "reincarnated" into, then PM me and I will tell you.

But honestly, don't worry about it.

Zaeyde's gone, but I'm still here, and that's what matters.

So goodbye.

See you in the next life. n.n