Journal 25 September 2007
Everybody has something about themselves that they try to hide from everybody else… whether 'tis a white past, form of masacism, a blemishing of flesh, or maybe even emotions…
It seems as though nobody else can ever look past these flaws in others… but when I do look pas a girl's flaws and see her for the sweet, kind-hearted woman she really is ~ she suddenly gets scared and pushes me away.
You know what ~ here; here's a list of my flaws ~ take me as you please: I proclaim to be a Christian; and yet I have sex (not since February,2007, but nonetheless), I swear a lot, I don't particularly like people getting close to my heart so I drive them out in fear of getting hurt… I used to cut, burn, and overdose on Aspirin, Aleve, and once Benedryl at school (mind you I took 250mg of Benedryl and I've never taken it before that)… I don't like my life ~ so Anime is my escape from reality ~ enabling my mind to enter this plane of existence in which I am strong and feared. Many of those things, like my overdosing, nobody knows until now… Another thing is: until my 18th birthday when I moved out of mother's house ~ I spent 8 long years without getting much sleep at night (if any at all)…
It's not what flaws people have that we should focus upon ~ but rather praise one another and sharpen each other as iron sharpens iron… I know that people of all ages are reading my journals online… and I am sorry if I corrupt you younger kids out there with my deep messages ~ but I feel strongly about this stuff and I don't take my thoughts, hopes, or dreams lightly. Things like this that I write may sound harsh; cruel ~ but if you search one another's heart… you can see it too… the hurt and suffering caused by things that others do not understand and thus they fear.
We are the next generation of this un-Godly world… the true question is: "What are you going to do to change it?" We focus upon the flaws so intent-fully with a fine-tooth comb and we don't stop once to think about the damage we cause… how many teenagers alone commit suicide every day… every year because they feel unwelcome… hated just for being alive?!?! I was watching CSI one night and there was a quote that really struck hard to me… "It took five people to kill this man… where it would only have taken one to save him." ~ mind you 'tis been awhile so it may not be EXACT; but you get the point`~
Just so you all know… I have friends who cut, do drugs, overdose, drink, and anything else just to escape their own pains or just to fit in… I see the agony in people's hearts… and I have been a statistic of the millions of teens who try to commit suicide; many times… I have walked the fine line of life and death without anyone's knowledge… whether they didn't realize or didn't care… it matters not ~ my whole point of this journal today is to let you know that you are NOT alone in this world… and you need to find a friend to talk to and relieve yourself from all this bottled up non-sense. I am getting my Nextel activated around 28 September 2007... Assuming I have unlimited incoming; I will make sure you can all see my number - or I will post it in this journal later… until then… please; feel free to E-mail me if you want to… and keep reading my journals… who knows; maybe one could affect you!
By the way… I do NOT condone anything like under-age drinking, drug use, drug ABUSE, suicide, attempted suicides, any form of masacism (cutting, burning, stabbing, etc.), gangs, or anything else I failed to mention that are illegal and/or potentially harmful/fatal.
My Cellphone number is 517-204-4079 or if you have Nextel... 130*41*919