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I really don't know what to think anymore. Why am I on here all the time. I need a car, I want to go wherever I want. Haha... I just turned 16 and I'm already ready to let go. I've been thinking about bad things that I really shouldn't get into. But I know that if I was still in Florida right now, summer would of torn me apart, and into another deminsion of me. Going to Chelseas would probably be a top priority, and trying to figure out how to not go to school in all at general, like they did. It was an awkward feeling, knowing that once my best friend did all those bad hurtfull things to me, one by one, I kept taking her back. Then once she got envolved in drugs, I stopped talking to her. I'm such a hypocrite. But if I think about it it's just someone I don't want to become. All those things have broken so many bonds in my life, so much trust washed down the drain, and feeling lonesome that whole summer was the first time I've felt so alone. I'm actualy used to it now, it's been afew years. My whole last relationship was evolved on filling a hole it feels like. Because once I got bored, and felt the hole was packed tight, I threw it away. Hah, but she was pretty much a clingy b***h, so whatever. Good times, bad times, I could care less anymore. I don't like to dwell on hurt, but I can't seem to stop loathing today. Drooping around like Ive got nothing. Being a emotionaly retarded pathetic a*****e never got you anywhere though. Hm, I thought getting this out was going to make me feel better, but it's just giving me a headache.
Two new text messages, in the past 10 minutes. Havn't heard from her for almost a week. Write it on the record board. :/ ******** I am annoying myself. I really want to be happy. Really realllyyy. I am even watching a cute movie. Too bad it's about suicide, and love put in one. Maybe I should of chose a different selection. Or maybe I should just go lay down.
I really like things that make me happy, and when they go away, I don't know what to do but wait. So that's what I do. It's pretty sad. Meaning, I need to go to the mall. Because there is no use in staying here. There is things I don't need, and the new things arn't one of them. But I really can't stop, because it makes me so happy, for no reason at all. Isn't that what we want? Too bad what we want is what we can't have.
.N!ffty · Sat Aug 23, 2008 @ 03:31am · 0 Comments |
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