*Sigh* Well, I've come to realize something just moments ago. I consider myself a pretty nice, or at least decent, person. And I HATE making people sad/seeing people sad. It crushes my heart. It seriously feels like my heart implodes on the inside when someone is sad because of me. I just can't stand it. But, no matter how hard I try, and no matter what I do, people still end up sad. I've come to realize that sadness exists. It just happens. And it's going to be there no matter what I do. No matter how hard I try to eliminate it, it'll still be there. Yeah, I can try covering it up, and telling myself it doesn't exist, but that's not enough, and I'll know it's really there, and that'll kill me. So, I've come to accept the fact that there's sadness in this world, and that yes, I may cause it sometimes. I'm no longer in denial that the world is a sad-free place, even though I wish it could be a sad-free, happy, enjoyable, bubbly place all the time. But I still don't want to believe it. It.. It just makes me so sad to see others sad. Nobody knows how much it hurts me, honestly. I've never told anyone, and many times, it has made me flat-out bawl my eyes out seeing someone sad or upset. Just thinking about it makes me cry. But I have to learn to deal with it, or I'm not going to be able to survive. I can't live like this; It's making me miserable, and I'm supposed to be the one who is a role model for happiness. But I'm never happy to be completely honest. I'm ALWAYS sad, no matter what the cause might be at the time. I'm.. I'm just such a softie. And I probably cry at least an hour every day, if not more. And I've attempted suicide more than you'd ever guess because of this very reason. But I just don't know what to do anymore.
Becca_Gadd Community Member 
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