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Reichiru's Journal
Follow the quest; follow the stalkage
The Trial of Reichiru
Reichiru has been arrested for stalking, ignoring a restraining order and a PPO, taming watch dogs, and selling cuppy merchandise without a license.

User ImageJudge Leon: Court is now in session for the case of Tomoe vs. ummm… er… what the hell is this guy's last name?

User ImageEdmund: Can we just get on with this?

User ImageJudge: Right. The prosecution may call the first witness.

User ImagePhoenix Wright: We would like to call…

User ImageJudge [interrupts]: Don't I know you from somewhere?

User ImagePhoenix: Umm… maybe from court? Since, you know, I'm a lawyer? And you're a judge?

User ImageJudge: I just feel like you don't belong…

User ImagePhoenix [sweatdrop] Er, we'd like to call Liam to the stand.

[Liam enters, winks at a few females in the room, sits in the witness chair]

User ImagePhoenix: Please state your name and relationship to my client.

User ImageLiam: The name is Liam. I am the shop keeper of Create and Apparel over in Aekea. I'm a Sagittarius, I enjoy long walks on the beach…

User ImageJudge: That's enough, witness. This is a courtroom, not "Blind Date."

User ImagePhoenix: Mr… um… Liam. If you could, in your own words, please explain the defendant's relationship to the plaintiff.

User ImageLiam: Oh, hey baby! [Reichiru wrinkles her nose in disgust] That's the girl that is always drooling all over Edmund's window front. I keep telling her if she came over to my shop and did that I wouldn't ever have a problem with it like Gramps does.

User ImagePhoenix: How often would you say Ms. Tomoe spends outside of Mr… um… geeze… what is this guys last name?

User ImageEdmund: None of your concern.

User ImagePhoenix: Erm, right. Anyway, how often would you say Ms. Tomoe is outside of the window of H.R. Wesley?

User ImageLiam: Well, not all the time. Sometimes she hides behind bushes when he goes out, or hides in the alleyway. And then she spends plenty of time conducting meetings with E.S.P.

User ImagePhoenix: E.S.P.?

User ImageLiam: Edmund's Sexy Party. [Edmund visibly reddens at the name] You know, one of those fan club things. I have one, except they seem to have this weird obsession with turning me into a chick and causing me bodily harm… but I suppose if they like it, I can deal with a weird fetish…

User ImageJudge: Please stop rambling!

User ImageLiam: Sorry, your honor!

User ImagePhoenix: So you are saying that Ms. Tomoe spends a great deal of time watching my client like some sort of peeping tom?

User ImageReichiru: I resent that! We like to be called stalkers, thank you very much!

User ImageJudge: Order! Witness, please answer the question.

User ImageLiam: Are you kidding? That girl probably knows Edmund better than his own mother! Oh, and she told me about this little mole you have, Edmund. Is it true it's right on your…

User ImagePhoenix: That's enough! No further questions!

User ImageJudge: Defense, you may now cross examine the witness.

User ImageSimplistic-Tyranny: So, Liam... how do you know so much about the relationship between my client and the plaintiff?

User ImageLiam: I have eyes. How could I not notice?

User ImageTyra: But you don't live anywhere near Durem, do you? How could you know that Ms. Tomoe is always hanging around H.R. Wesley?

User ImageLiam: Well, she's always there when I go into town. I'm friends with Moira, so I go there a lot.

User ImageTyra: Friends, eh? I don't think that's how she would describe it. [turns to the judge] Your honor, I would like to add these to the court's records.

User Image

User ImageJudge: What the heck are these?

User ImageTyra: This is a picture of the witness and a poem he wrote for Moira, Sasha, and Vanessa.

User ImageEdmund: [jumps up] You were trying to put the moves on Vanessa?!

User ImageReichiru: [laments] Why can't you just forget about that skank?!

User ImageJudge: ORDER! Will you please explain the validity of these items?

User ImageTyra: Certainly. Liam bothers these three women incessantly. These two items are only his most recent attempts at winning their affection; Affection that they have rejected several times.

User ImageLiam: Hey!

User ImageTyra: Your honor, this man is a stalker in his own right! How can he judge Ms. Tomoe's intentions toward the plaintiff when he is too busy stalking three women on his own time?!

[The court room becomes noisy]

User ImageJudge: Order! Is this true, witness?

User ImageLiam: Whatever. They're just playing hard to get.

User ImageTyra: The defense has no further questions.

User Image[Bat Neko stands up]: SHAZAM!

User ImageLiam: Dammit… I'm a woman again…

User ImageJudge: [sighs] Next witness please.

User ImagePhoenix: The prosecution calls Johnny K. Gambino to the stand.

[Gambino enters with a large BWAHAHAHA]

User ImageJudge: Is that really necessary?

User ImageGambino: It's all part of the money maker, judgy-baby.

User ImagePhoenix: Please state your name and relationship to my client.

User ImageGambino: The name is Johnny K. Gambino, multi-millionaire, and best friend of the plaintiff.

User ImagePhoenix: And can you identify the girl sitting there? [points to Reichiru who grins and waves]

User ImageGambino: Sure I can! It's bush girl!

User ImagePhoenix: Bush girl?

User ImageGambino: Yeah, whenever I go out with Edmund she's always hiding in the bushes. I find her to be a riot, but Edmund always gets pissy when he notices her. I think he's still mad about the time she caught him in the bath.

User ImagePhoenix: Er… right. Anyway, has Ms. Tomoe…

User ImageGambino: Is that her name? Nice!

User ImagePhoenix [sweatdrop]: Um, has Ms. Tomoe ever initiated a conversation with my client, Edmund?

User ImageGambino: A few times. She goes into his shop a lot. Most of the time she hides behind a rack of clothing, but if she wants to buy something she has to talk to him.

User ImagePhoenix: Has she ever touched my client?

User ImageLiam [shouts from the back of the room]: WOO!

User ImageJudge: Would someone get that moron out of here?

User ImageGambino: She tends to keep a respectful distance. 3 mm is respectful these days, right?

User ImagePhoenix: Thank you. No further questions.

User ImageJudge: Defense, please begin your cross examination.

User ImageTyra: Mr. Gambino, do you find that sweet, innocent face to be dangerous?

User Image User Image

User ImageJudge: I knew you looked familiar! Haha, objection… erm… I mean, overruled.

User ImageGambino: Not really. She's always polite when I see her… even if she is a bit socially awkward… and tends to have bits of twig stuck in her hair.

User ImageTyra: You find nothing about this girl's behavior frightening, yet the plaintiff feels his safety is being compromised. Don't you find this odd considering Mr. Edmund is 6'2 and 205 lbs? Much bigger than my client, don't you think?

User Image[Reichiru giggles]: Much bigger.

User ImageJudge: Order!

[Gambino seems lost in emo-rific thought for a moment… dwelling on a certain teeny-tiny censor circle]

User ImageTyra: Mr. Gambino?




User ImageGambino: Oh, right. Yes, I suppose he is. [emo thought again]

User ImageTyra: No further questions, your honor.

User ImageJudge: Enough of this freak show. Call someone useful to the stand, prosecution!

User ImagePhoenix: Right! I call Edmund to the stand!

[Edmund stands up at makes his way to the witness chair]

User ImageReichiru: Check out that a**!

[Edmund shoots her a death glare]

User ImageReichiru: Over 9,000 baby!

User ImageJudge: Please control yourself defense!

User ImagePhoenix: [sweatdrop] Please state your name and why you are here.

User ImageEdmund: I am Edmund, shop keeper at H.R. Wesley – the finest goods in all of Gaia. We are here today because that girl [points at Reichiru] is constantly harassing me.

User ImageReichiru: He acknowledged me! Did you see that guys?! OMG!

User Image User Image User Image User Image User Image User Image User Image User Image User ImageE.S.P. Members: AHHH!!! HE'S SO HAWT!!!!

User ImageEdmund: See what I mean! It's maddening!

User ImagePhoenix: Please tell the court about your usual interaction with the defense.

User ImageEdmund: Interaction? There is none! She's constantly oogling from afar. No matter where I turn, there she is! My shop window, my flat window… which is on the SECOND floor I might add! She hides in bushes, in my shop behind clothing… she's ALWAYS THERE. Not to mention whenever I mention Vanessa's name…

User ImageReichiru: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

User ImageEdmund: See!

User ImagePhoenix: Has Ms. Tomoe caused you any damages?

User ImageEdmund: Aside from to my sanity? Well, there are smudges all over my front window thanks to her pressing herself up against it all the time. I think the ‘W' in Wesley is permanently ruined thanks to her rubbing her nose against it. And then she has drooled on my shoes a few times…

User ImagePhoenix: No further questions.

User ImageJudge: Go ahead with the cross examination, defense.

User ImageTyra: Edmund. Edmund… You have pretty eyes, did you know that?

User ImageEdmund: OH NO! SHE'S ONE OF THEM!

User ImageReichiru: Tyyyraaaa! Stop flirting with him!!!!

User ImageTyra: Oh, sorry. Erm, so, you find Ms. Tomoe to be a nuisance, correct?

User ImageEdmund: More like a stalker. The girl holds meetings where they talk about weird things like my underwear and who should play me in a movie.

User ImageTerpis: Sean Connery!

User ImageSteph: No! Daniel Day-Lewis!

User ImageCaden: Will Lex be in the movie?

User ImageJudge: ORDER!

User ImageTyra: So, they are fans?

User ImageApple: Sexy fans!

User ImageDemi: That have sexy parties!

User ImageSins: And make sacrifices and do voodoo to get Edmund to be our love slave!

User ImageEdmund: [looks annoyed] I suppose in some twisted way, yes.

User ImageTyra: Is it really a bad thing to have fans? People that think you are special?

User ImageEdmund: No, but it goes to far when one of them is watching me 24/7.

User ImageTyra: Are you aware that Ms. Tomoe saved your life once?

User ImageEdmund: Excuse me?

User ImageTyra: Before Halloween you were targeted by a sniper, were you not?

User ImageLuna: Poor cuppy!

User ImageEdmund: Yes. Zhivago. A vampire.

User ImagePrince Haijin: ZHIVAGO AND EDMUND, OTP!!!!

User ImageTyra: Erm, right. Did it ever strike you as strange that he missed?

User ImageEdmund: No. I dodged it.

User ImageTyra: Dodged a trained sniper's bullet? Someone that had managed to take down both your best friend, Mr. Gambino, and the Barton Boutique shop keeper by the name of Ian? You may be good, Sir, but not that good.

User ImageSera: That's not what the book of Edmund says!

User ImageEdmund: Well, how do you explain it?

User ImageTyra: You said Ms. Tomoe watches you 24/7. So wouldn't it make sense that she would have been there that night in those same bushes as your sniper?

User ImageEdmund: …yes.

User ImageTyra: Ms. Tomoe actually saved your life that night! She saw someone that did not belong and pushed him as he pulled the trigger!

User Image User Image

User ImagePhoenix: That's speculation!

User ImageTyra: That's fact! Was she out there that night?!

User ImageEdmund: Yes, I suppose she was.

User ImageReichiru: I thought it was a Liam fan. That's why I pushed him. Didn't even notice the gun.

User ImageTyra: So it would seem the girl the plaintiff has named a nuisance is actually the only reason he is still alive!

[murmuring goes through the court room]

User ImageTyra: No further questions.

User ImageJudge: If the prosecution and defense have nothing else to say, I would like to get on with my ruling.

User ImageReichiru: Don't I get to be a witness?

User ImageTyra: No.

User ImageReichiru: Whyyyyy?

User ImageTyra: Because you'd incriminate yourself.

User ImageJudge: It seems to me that we have a case of mistaken identity here.

User ImageEdmund: What?

User ImageReichiru: Is it my evil twin again?

User ImageJudge: This girl has been labeled a stalker when all she can be called is a fan.

User ImageReichiru: No, I'm really a stalker.

User ImageTyra: You're doing that incriminating yourself thing again!

User ImageJudge: It seems the real crime is neglect… and the perpetrator is none other than the plaintiff himself!

User ImageEdmund: Excuse me?!

User ImageJudge: Mr… um… Edmund. If you paid a bit more attention to your fan club, perhaps they wouldn't be reduced to hiding in bushes.

User ImageEdmund: But she keeps leaving me marriage proposals!

User ImageJudge: Silence! It seems I have no choice but to find Edmund guilty of fan neglect. Take him away.

User ImageEdmund: WHAT?! I wasn't even on trial! This doesn't make any sense! Take your hands off of me! Do I need to Sparta-kick you?!

User ImageJudge: I will decide his punishment at a later date.

User ImageReichiru: Wait! I have an idea! [jumps up and goes to whisper in the judges ear]

User ImageJudge: Interesting. Alright, I have decided what the sentence will be. Edmund will be sent to solitary confinement with Ms. Tomoe for a period of 24 hours so he can get acquainted with one of his fans.

User ImageTyra: Why did you do that, Rei?

User ImageReichiru: I can't afford the fines I have to pay to clean the window. And this seems fun!

User ImagePhoenix: She thinks jail will be fun?

User ImageTyra: Well you wouldn't get it. You've never been a fan girl.

User ImagePhoenix: How do you know?!

User ImageEdmund: This isn't fair! You can't do this! That completely defeats the point of solitary confinement! [Being dragged away]

User ImageReichiru: Wait for me, Darling! [runs after him]






User Comments: [12] [add]
Simplistic-Tyranny
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Mon Jul 07, 2008 @ 12:38am
rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl


commentCommented on: Mon Jul 07, 2008 @ 12:48am
You rofled so much you broke them. xd



Reichiru Tomoe
Community Member
Terpis
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Mon Jul 07, 2008 @ 01:28am
Oh god I lol'd at Edmund blushing at the ESP name. XDDD

Say, solitary confinement with Reichiru isn't really solitary, now is it?

...And my post confirmation words are "warden un-" WTFFF xd


commentCommented on: Mon Jul 07, 2008 @ 01:30am
lol Brilliant!!



Shozom
Community Member
Nori the Dog Lady
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Mon Jul 07, 2008 @ 02:06am
Phoenix Wright? In my prosecution?

It's more likely than you think.


commentCommented on: Mon Jul 07, 2008 @ 04:19am
xDDDD
That was brilliant. ^^



[Hazy Kasumi]
Community Member
Apple Blossom19
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Mon Jul 07, 2008 @ 04:32am
epic w1n


My day was full of crap till I read this!!!!

*huggles*


How'd your picture get in there???


commentCommented on: Mon Jul 07, 2008 @ 05:03am
I made the little picture blocks in photoshop. 3nodding
If I ever feel like drawing it, I'm totally gonna open it with an image of me being pulled out the the bushes by a cop. xd



Reichiru Tomoe
Community Member
Cristaly
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Mon Jul 07, 2008 @ 05:16am

Absolute Love Rei-Rei heart Extremely amusing when I'm not even a member of ESP xd
User Image
Cristaly, The Tentacle Wonder loves you all; every single one of you are loved by her. =D heart


commentCommented on: Mon Jul 07, 2008 @ 06:02am


'Poor Cuppy' should be Luna's new catchphrase.

Brilliant.



T h e s t e p H
Community Member
Demigod Zer0
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Sat Jul 12, 2008 @ 06:13pm
Rei, I love you. heart rofl


commentCommented on: Fri Dec 11, 2009 @ 06:36pm
Epic win blaugh i dont even know how to describe how great that was!



Greteh
Community Member
User Comments: [12] [add]
 
 
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