 
And at a point where I thought things couldn't get any worse, she's talking to me, but all I get is hostility. I want to be near her, I want to spend time with her, but I feel like every time I try and make plans I just misunderstand again and they end up falling through.
It's true, isn't it... I don't have a best friend. I can't. Someone that makes me feel so small and stupid can't be classed as a best friend. I have no idea if she means to do it or not, but it just sort of... Happens. I think I was happier not talking to her. At least then my god forsaken panic attacks would stay dormant.
I really don't know how much longer I can take this for...
Anyway... Today I went shopping for the holiday. Didn't buy much. Only spent £30, but there isn't much that interests me in shops anymore.
I scoured Border and Waterstones for Demon Flowers volume 3 but nowhere has it. =[
Speaking of Borders, I had a job interview there a few days ago. And today I got my rejection letter. Normally I wouldn't care, but the bastards could have had the decency to phone me up and let me down, rather than giving me three mediocre lines to say that I hadn't got the job and "better luck next time." Well ******** them.
Yes, I'm not in the best of moods, can you tell? Plus I feel dirty. Maybe it's talking to her again, and feeling so guilty for making things bad. For feeling like this, and after all I've done is try and keep her happy. I only end up hurting myself. But as long as she's ok nothing else matters.
I'll post again soon. Half term, whoo.
 Aelthar Torii · Sat May 24, 2008 @ 06:24pm · 0 Comments |
