Well, I rather need to vent, so I'm actually going to use this journal thing...
currently: ripping a CD, waiting for mother to come back in from hunting, looking at friend's pics on MySpace, checking RPs
Feeling: I'm not sure
But y'know, that's just the problem! I'm so... indecisive about how I feel I have no clue exactly 'how' I feel right now. I...I feel so... upset ... or lonely... or jealous.... or angry.... I just, can't pick one. I feel like bawling up on my pillow and crying my eyes out, but at the same time dressing up and making myself feel good, but then at the same time smashing furniture about my room in rage. I just... I don't know what I feel...
I do know, that I am jealous... for reasons I'm not yet ready to admit... but I am. I'll lay that out to think on a while. Let's see... I'm also... sad. ... but for this I don't know why... maybe it's a spin off of my jealousy. What else am I?..... hmm... I believe I...... I don't know now...
Now that I actaually started typing and thinking it over a little... I...
I'm hurt.... I don't want to be... but I am....
I think I hurt myself though... in fact, I know I did. No one else did it... just me... God, I'm such a loser...
Perhaps I don't deserve friends, I only end up getting mad at them and hurting their feelings. Infact, I truly believe this. I don't know why I have friends... I really don't deserve them... at all... .... I don't....
... perhaps
if I tried to run them off...
but that would only hurt me more...
maybe....
if I moved... far... far away... and actually did become a hermit...
but then I'd cry everyday...
well ok, lately I've been crying everyday anyway... but that's just it, I don't know why... I only hurt myself...
Perhaps... I'm just an idiot that doesn't know...
 WolfumsTheGreat · Sat Dec 29, 2007 @ 11:35pm · 0 Comments |
