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Weird Feelings
I am going to elaborate my feelings as of lately. Starting last night I began to think about my life up to thus far. I recently met my biological mother- which turned out to be a homosexual. She has her partner Jennifer and they are a great couple I decided to ask my mother when she decided to be gay- and she responded with a smile "I've always been gay sweety." ..I asked in a confused manner if so how I and my other siblings were conceived. She said she was very confused at one point in her life... I didn't breathe too much into that up to date, but as of last night- it sunk in. Over a year later I ask myself, Was I just an accident? An Experiment? I mean- I wasn't created out of love- but made up of lust.. Is that why i'm such a pervert? I mean- I was supposed to die at birth not to mention after my birth there was a lot of trouble- but now to know I should not of ever came in to this world.
Those thoughts are on top of the thoughts of remaining single my entire life. I'm very unattractive in real life- and I'm not that great. Seriously, if I'm as cute as everybody says I am why has not a single guy asked me out in over a year? I mean- yeah. So the low self esteem isn't helping. But I seem to always be nice to others- just not nice to myself..
But tonight I roleplayed with a good friend of mine... and he apparently thought I was dating a girll he also knew. The girl and I only knew this person from the internets, in fact she introduced us. He thought that she and I were dating or something... and I was all Eww... she's a girl! No way! heh.... But... I feel bad because I stalked this guy. I've read tons of his post on Gaia and it just leads me to.. well I'm not going to say. Let me just say I like this guy... a lot. I don't even know him but I feel a strong attraction towards him. It's sad... and if he ever reads this he's probably going to be all "That's sweet of you, but I just don't have the time for a relationship.." or something of the sorts.
That's my post for this journal. Note this journal was 100% Non Roleplay.This entire entry was about my real life.
[/RL]
You aren't hurt are you, Scaredy Cat? |
